“‘It’s one evenin’,’ says Colonel Sterett, ‘an’ a passel of us is settin’ about in the Gait House bar, toyin’ with our beverages.  Thar’s a smooth, good-lookin’ stranger who’s camped at a table near.  Final, he yawns like he’s shore weary of life an’ looks at us sharp an’ cur’ous.  Then he speaks up gen’ral as though he’s addressin’ the air.  “This is a mighty dull town!” he says.  “Which I’ve been yere a fortnight an’ I ain’t had no fight as yet.”  An’ he continyoos to look us over plenty mournful.

“’"You-all needn’t gaze on us that a-way,” says a gent named Granger; “you can set down a stack on it, you ain’t goin’ to pull on no war with none of us.”

“’"Shore, no!” says the onhappy stranger.  Then he goes on apol’getic; “Gents, I’m onfort’nately constitootcd.  Onless I has trouble at reasonable intervals it preys on me.  I’ve been yere in your town two weeks an’ so far ain’t seen the sign.  Gents, it’s beginnin’ to tell; an’ if any of you-all could direct me where I might get action it would be kindly took.”

“‘"If you’re honin’ for a muss,” says Granger, “all you has to do is go a couple of blocks to the east, an’ then five to the no’th, an’ thar on the corner you’ll note a mighty prosperous s’loon.  You caper in by the side door; it says FAMILY ENTRANCE over this yere portal.  Sa’nter up to the bar, call for licker, drink it; an’ then you remark to the barkeep, casooal like, that you’re thar to maintain that any outcast who’ll sell sech whiskey ain’t fit to drink with a nigger or eat with a dog.  That’s all; that barkeep’ll relieve you of the load that’s burdenin’ your nerves in about thirty seconds.  You’ll be the happiest sport in Looeyville when he gets through.”

“‘"But can’t you come an’ p’int out the place,” coaxes the onhappy stranger of Granger.  He’s all wropped up in what Granger tells him.  “I don’t know my way about good, an’ from your deescriptions I shorely wouldn’t miss visitin’ that resort for gold an’ precious stones.  Come an’ show me, pard; I’ll take you thar in a kerriage.”

“’At that Granger consents to guide the onhappy stranger.  They drives over an’ Granger stops the outfit, mebby she’s fifty yards from the door.  He p’ints it out to the onhappy stranger sport.

“’Come with me,” says the onhappy stranger, as he gets outen the kerriage.  “Come on; you-all don’t have to fight none.  I jest wants you to watch me.  Which I’m the dandiest warrior for the whole length of the Ohio!”

“‘But Granger is firm that he won’t; he’s not inquisitive, he says, an’ will stay planted right thar on the r’ar seat an’ await deevelopments.  With that, the onhappy stranger sport goes sorrowfully for’ard alone, an’ gets into the gin-mill by the said FAMILY ENTRANCE.  Granger’ sets thar with his head out an’ y’ears cocked lookin’ an’ listenin’.

“’Everything’s plenty quiet for a minute.  Then slam! bang! bing! crash! the most flagrant hubbub breaks forth!  It sounds like that store’s comin’ down.  The racket rages an’ grows worse.  Thar’s a smashin’ of glass.  The lights goes out, while customers comes boundin’ an’ skippin’ forth from the FAMILY ENTRANCE like frightened fawns.  At last the uproars dies down ontil they subsides complete.