The ladders were now applied, and mounted by several men; which the monkey observing, and finding himself almost encompassed, not being able to make speed enough with his three legs, let me drop on a ridge tile and made his escape.  Here I sat for some time, five hundred yards from the ground, expecting every moment to be blown down by the wind, or to fall by my own giddiness, and come tumbling over and over from the ridge to the eaves; but an honest lad, one of my nurse’s footmen, climbed up, and putting me into his breeches’ pocket, brought me down safe.

I was so weak and bruised in the sides with the squeezes given me by this odious animal that I was forced to keep my bed a fortnight.  The king, queen, and all the court sent every day to inquire after my health; and her majesty made me several visits during my sickness.  The monkey was killed, and an order made that no such animal should be kept about the palace.

When I attended the king after my recovery, to return him thanks for his favors, he was pleased to rally me a good deal upon this adventure.  He asked me what my thoughts and speculations were while I lay in the monkey’s paw; how I liked the victuals he gave me; his manner of feeding; and whether the fresh air on the roof had sharpened my stomach.  He desired to know what I would have done upon such an occasion in my own country.  I told his majesty that in Europe we had no monkeys except such as were brought for curiosities from other places, and so small that I could deal with a dozen of them together, if they presumed to attack me.  And as for that monstrous animal with which I was so lately engaged (it was indeed as large as an elephant), if my fears had suffered me to think so far as to make use of my hanger (looking fiercely, and clapping my hand upon the hilt, as I spoke) when he poked his paw into my chamber, perhaps I should have given him such a wound as would have made him glad to withdraw it, with more haste than he put it in.  This I delivered in a firm tone, like a person who was jealous lest his courage should be called in question.  However, my speech produced nothing else besides a loud laughter, which all the respect due to his majesty from those about him could not make them contain.  This made me reflect, how vain an attempt it is for a man to endeavor doing himself honor among those who are out of all degree of equality or comparison with him.  And yet I have seen the moral of my own behavior very frequent in England since my return; where a little contemptible varlet, without the least title to birth, person, wit, or common sense, shall presume to look with importance, and put himself upon a foot with the greatest persons of the kingdom.

I was every day furnishing the court with some ridiculous story; and Glumdalclitch, although she loved me to excess, yet was arch enough to inform the queen whenever I committed any folly that she thought would be diverting to her majesty.