At length my lonesome friendlessness oppressed me so much that I took steps to mitigate it.  In my college life I had two particular friends whom I think I must have selected because they were so absolutely different from myself.

They were named Bastin and Bickley.  Bastin—­Basil was his Christian name—­was an uncouth, shock-headed, flat-footed person of large, rugged frame and equally rugged honesty, with a mind almost incredibly simple.  Nothing surprised him because he lacked the faculty of surprise.  He was like that kind of fish which lies at the bottom of the sea and takes every kind of food into its great maw without distinguishing its flavour.  Metaphorically speaking, heavenly manna and decayed cabbage were just the same to Bastin.  He was not fastidious and both were mental pabulum—­of a sort—­together with whatever lay between these extremes.  Yet he was good, so painfully good that one felt that without exertion to himself he had booked a first-class ticket straight to Heaven; indeed that his guardian angel had tied it round his neck at birth lest he should lose it, already numbered and dated like an identification disc.

I am bound to add that Bastin never went wrong because he never felt the slightest temptation to do so.  This I suppose constitutes real virtue, since, in view of certain Bible sayings, the person who is tempted and would like to yield to the temptation, is equally a sinner with the person who does yield.  To be truly good one should be too good to be tempted, or too weak to make the effort worth the tempter’s while—­in short not deserving of his powder and shot.

I need hardly add that Bastin went into the Church; indeed, he could not have gone anywhere else; it absorbed him naturally, as doubtless Heaven will do in due course.  Only I think it likely that until they get to know him he will bore the angels so much that they will continually move him up higher.  Also if they have any susceptibilities left, probably he will tread upon their toes—­an art in which I never knew his equal.  However, I always loved Bastin, perhaps because no one else did, a fact of which he remained totally unconscious, or perhaps because of his brutal way of telling one what he conceived to be the truth, which, as he had less imagination than a dormouse, generally it was not.  For if the truth is a jewel, it is one coloured and veiled by many different lights and atmospheres.

It only remains to add that he was learned in his theological fashion and that among his further peculiarities were the slow, monotonous voice in which he uttered his views in long sentences, and his total indifference to adverse argument however sound and convincing.