When Mrs. Bull is obstreperous, go to the coffee-house and call for your glass.  It is an excellent cure for her complaint, and you will get the latest news retailed in the most engaging manner, with the pleasure of knowing she is biting her lips at home in vexation.

Never hold any intercourse with people of whom the world speaks ill.  ’Tis true they may be, and generally are, among the very best of mankind, but as they are not reputed to be so, what is that to you?

Some persons cant about the wickedness of the times:  believe them not; this is the most saintly of ages, the most pure of generations, considering its temptations.

Vice at the east and west end of town, is different only in form; in substance it comes to the same thing, and in quality is equal to a grain.

Never leave a dispute to be settled by arbitration; if you are rich, always appeal to law, especially if your opponent be poor.  The lawyers will manage for you long before the case gets up to the Lords, and perhaps secure your rival in banco regis for expenses.  In an arbitration, the case may be decided against you in a twinkling.  It is a capital thing that justice and a long purse are sworn brothers; besides, moneyed men should have some advantage in society.

So little is the value of an oath understood by any but the Bull family, that none but the postboys and the vulgar use oaths in foreign nations, America excepted; but that country being a chip of the old block, already rivals honest John; outdo him she must not.

Lard your butter, wet your tobacco, pipe-clay your flour, sand your sugar, sloe-leaf your tea, coal-ash your pepper, deteriorate your drugs, water your liquors, alloy your gold and silver, plunder your lodgers, and, while none know it, who is the worse!  Then to church, and thank God you are not as other men.

Live and talk as if you were to live for ever.  If you have accumulated tens of thousands, try and make them hundreds of thousands.  Why should you retire and make way for the industry of others, while you are able to treasure up more.

Give credit, take credit, live upon credit; if you are wealthy, your own money will be gathering interest at the same time.  If you are poor, you have no other means to live by.

In matters of business, let there be no favour.  If you are dealing with your own father, give nothing to him.  Screw the uttermost farthing, and, if need, sell him.

Give only to receive.

Men of genius are fools; the truly great men know how to make money, and money is power—­the power of making more money.  Your men of genius are at best but harlequins with empty pockets.—­New Monthly Magazine.

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THE GATHERER.

  A snapper up of unconsidered trifles. 
      SHAKSPEARE.

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