Mollification of flinty-hearted fathers and union of lovers, &c. &c. &c.

FOR COMEDIES.

Fictitious bankruptcy of the hero, and sudden reinstatement of fortune.

Ditto, ditto, with exposure of false friends.

Non-recognition of son by father, ultimate discovery of former by latter.

Ditto, ditto, very fine, “with convenient cordial,” and true gentlemen, illustrated by an old debauchee.

N.B.—­On hand, a very choice assortment of interesting parricides, strongly recommended for Surrey use.

* * * * *

WHY AND BECAUSE.

    Young Kean’s a bad cigar—­because
    The more he’s puff’d, the worse he draws.

A new farce, entitled “My Friend the Captain,” is to be produced tonight, at the Haymarket Theatre.

MR. HAMMOND will take a benefit at the English Opera House, on Monday next.  We are happy to see that this very deserving actor’s professional brethren are coming forward to lend him that assistance which he has always been ready to afford to others.

TO MRS. H.

  Thou sweet, to whom all bend the knee,
  No wonder men run after thee;
  There’s something in a name, perhaps,
  For Honey’s often good for chaps.

A MR. GRAHAM has appeared at the Surrey.  He is reported to be a very chaste and clever actor.  If so, he certainly will not suit the taste of Mr. Davidge’s patrons.  How they have tolerated Wilson, Leffler, and Miss Romer so long, we are utterly at a loss to divine.  It must be, that “music hath charms.”

We are authorised to state that Rouse of the Eagle Tavern is not the Rous who was lately returned for Westminster.

THE REAL AND THE IDEAL; OR, THE CATASTROPHE OF A VICTORIA MELO-DRAMA.

Berthelda.—­Sanguine, you have killed your mother!!!

Fruitwoman.—­Any apples, oranges, biscuits, ginger-beer!

(Curtain falls.)

* * * * *

QUALIFICATIONS FOR AN M.P.

We give the following list of qualifications for a member of parliament for Westminster, as a logical curiosity, extracted from a handbill very liberally distributed by Captain Rons’s party, during the late contest:—­

1st.  Because “he is brother to the Earl of Stradbroke.”

2nd.  Because “his family have always been hearty Conservatives.”

3rd.  Because “they have been established in Suffolk from the time of the Heptarchy.”

4th.  Because “he entered the navy in 1808.”

5th.  Because “he brought home Lord Aylmer in the Pique, in 1835.”

6th.  Because “he ran the Pique aground in the Straits of Belleisle.”