Fine beaux advance, equipt for dance,
  To bring their Anne or Nell in,
With so much grace, I’m sure no place
  Can vie with Ballyspellin.

No politics, no subtle tricks,
  No man his country selling: 
We eat, we drink; we never think
  Of these at Ballyspellin.

The troubled mind, the puff’d with wind,
  Do all come here pell-mell in;
And they are sure to work their cure
  By drinking Ballyspellin.

Though dropsy fills you to the gills,
  From chin to toe though swelling,
Pour in, pour out, you cannot doubt
  A cure at Ballyspellin.

Death throws no darts through all these parts,
  No sextons here are knelling;
Come, judge and try, you’ll never die,
  But live at Ballyspellin.

Except you feel darts tipp’d with steel,
  Which here are every belle in: 
When from their eyes sweet ruin flies,
  We die at Ballyspellin.

Good cheer, sweet air, much joy, no care,
  Your sight, your taste, your smelling,
Your ears, your touch, transported much
  Each day at Ballyspellin.

Within this ground we all sleep sound,
  No noisy dogs a-yelling;
Except you wake, for Celia’s sake,
  All night at Ballyspellin.

There all you see, both he and she,
  No lady keeps her cell in;
But all partake the mirth we make,
  Who drink at Ballyspellin.

My rhymes are gone; I think I’ve none,
  Unless I should bring Hell in;
But, since I’m here to Heaven so near,
  I can’t at Ballyspellin!

[Footnote 1:  A famous spa in the county of Kilkenny, “whither Sheridan had gone to drink the waters with a new favourite lady.”  See note to the “Answer,” post, p. 371.—­W.  E. B.]

[Footnote 2:  Ross.—­Dublin Edition.]

ANSWER.[1] BY DR. SWIFT

Dare you dispute, you saucy brute,
  And think there’s no refelling
Your scurvy lays, and senseless praise
  You give to Ballyspellin?

Howe’er you flounce, I here pronounce,
  Your medicine is repelling;
Your water’s mud, and sours the blood
  When drunk at Ballyspellin.

Those pocky drabs, to cure their scabs,
  You thither are compelling,
Will back be sent worse than they went,
  From nasty Ballyspellin.

Llewellyn why?  As well may I
  Name honest Doctor Pellin;
So hard sometimes you tug for rhymes,
  To bring in Ballyspellin.

No subject fit to try your wit,
  When you went colonelling: 
But dull intrigues ’twixt jades and teagues,
  You met at Ballyspellin.

Our lasses fair, say what you dare,
  Who sowins[2] make with shelling,
At Market-hill more beaux can kill,
  Than yours at Ballyspellin.

Would I was whipt, when Sheelah stript,
  To wash herself our well in,
A bum so white ne’er came in sight
  At paltry Ballyspellin.