Not only to make him your shield, but your vizard;
And like a tragedian, you rant and you roar,
Through the horrible grin of your larva’s wide bore. 
Nay, farther, which makes me complain much, and frump it,
You make his long nose your loud speaking-trumpet;
With the din of which tube my head you so bother,
That I scarce can distinguish my right ear from t’other.

You made me in your last a goose;
  I lay my life on’t you are wrong,
To raise me by such foul abuse;
  My quill you’ll find’s a woman’s tongue;
And slit, just like a bird will chatter,
  And like a bird do something more;
When I let fly, ’twill so bespatter,
  I’ll change you to a black-a-moor.

I’ll write while I have half an eye in my head;
I’ll write while I live, and I’ll write when you’re dead. 
Though you call me a goose, you pitiful slave,
I’ll feed on the grass that grows on your grave.[1]

[Footnote 1; See post, p. 351.—­W.  E. B.]

SHERIDAN TO SWIFT

I can’t but wonder, Mr. Dean,
To see you live, so often slain. 
My arrows fly and fly in vain,
But still I try and try again. 
I’m now, Sir, in a writing vein;
Don’t think, like you, I squeeze and strain,
Perhaps you’ll ask me what I mean;
I will not tell, because it’s plain. 
Your Muse, I am told, is in the wane;
If so, from pen and ink refrain. 
Indeed, believe me, I’m in pain
For her and you; your life’s a scene
Of verse, and rhymes, and hurricane,
Enough to crack the strongest brain. 
Now to conclude, I do remain,
Your honest friend, TOM SHERIDAN.

SWIFT TO SHERIDAN

Poor Tom, wilt thou never accept a defiance,
Though I dare you to more than quadruple alliance. 
You’re so retrograde, sure you were born under Cancer;
Must I make myself hoarse with demanding an answer? 
If this be your practice, mean scrub, I assure ye,
And swear by each Fate, and your new friends, each Fury,
I’ll drive you to Cavan, from Cavan to Dundalk;
I’ll tear all your rules, and demolish your pun-talk: 
Nay, further, the moment you’re free from your scalding,
I’ll chew you to bullets, and puff you at Baldwin.

MARY THE COOK-MAID’S LETTER TO DR. SHERIDAN. 1723

Well, if ever I saw such another man since my mother bound up my head!  You a gentleman!  Marry come up!  I wonder where you were bred.  I’m sure such words does not become a man of your cloth; I would not give such language to a dog, faith and troth.  Yes, you call’d my master a knave; fie, Mr. Sheridan! ’tis a shame For a parson who should know better things, to come out with such a name.  Knave in your teeth, Mr. Sheridan! ’tis both a shame and a sin; And the Dean, my master, is an honester man than you and all your kin:  He