1 P.S.

I wish, when you prated, your letter you’d dated: 
Much plague it created.  I scolded and rated;
My soul is much grated; for your man I long waited. 
I think you are fated, like a bear to be baited: 
Your man is belated:  the case I have stated;
And me you have cheated.  My stable’s unslated. 
Come back t’us well freighted. 
I remember my late head; and wish you translated,
For teasing me.

2 P.S.

Mrs. Dingley desires me singly
Her service to present you; hopes that will content you;
But Johnson madam is grown a sad dame,
For want of your converse, and cannot send one verse.

3 P.S.

You keep such a twattling with you and your bottling;
But I see the sum total, we shall ne’er have a bottle;
The long and the short, we shall not have a quart,
I wish you would sign’t, that we have a pint. 
For all your colloguing,[3] I’d be glad for a knoggin:[4]
But I doubt ’tis a sham; you won’t give us a dram. 
’Tis of shine a mouth moon-ful, you won’t part with a spoonful,
And I must be nimble, if I can fill my thimble,
You see I won’t stop, till I come to a drop;
But I doubt the oraculum, is a poor supernaculum;
Though perhaps you may tell it, for a grace if we smell it. 
                                           STELLA.

[Footnote 1:  In this letter, though written in prose, the reader, upon examining, will find each second sentence rhymes to the former.—­H.]

[Footnote 2:  Mrs. Johnson and Mrs. Dingley.—­F.]

[Footnote 3:  A phrase used in Ireland for a specious appearance of kindness without sincerity.—­F.]

[Footnote 4:  A name used in Ireland for the English quartern.—­F.]

DR. SHERIDAN’S ANSWER

I’d have you to know, as sure as you’re Dean,
On Thursday my cask of Obrien I’ll drain;
If my wife is not willing, I say she’s a quean;
And my right to the cellar, egad, I’ll maintain
As bravely as any that fought at Dunblain: 
Go tell her it over and over again. 
I hope, as I ride to the town, it won’t rain;
For, should it, I fear it will cool my hot brain,
Entirely extinguish my poetic vein;
And then I should be as stupid as Kain,
Who preach’d on three heads, though he mention’d but twain. 
Now Wardel’s in haste, and begins to complain;
Your most humble servant, dear Sir, I remain,
       T. S.—­N.

Get Helsham, Walmsley, Delany,
And some Grattans, if there be any:[1]
Take care you do not bid too many.

[Footnote 1:  I.e. in Dublin, for they were country clergy.—­F.]

DR. SWIFT’S REPLY