EPIGRAM

Friend Rundle fell, with grievous bump,
Upon his reverential rump. 
Poor rump! thou hadst been better sped,
Hadst thou been join’d to Boulter’s head;
A head, so weighty and profound,
Would needs have kept thee from the ground.

A CHARACTER, PANEGYRIC, AND DESCRIPTION OF THE LEGION CLUB

1736

The immediate provocation to this fierce satire upon the Irish Parliament was the introduction of a Bill to put an end to the tithe on pasturage, called agistment, and thus to free the landlords from a legal payment, with severe loss to the Church.

As I stroll the city, oft I
See a building large and lofty,
Not a bow-shot from the college;
Half the globe from sense and knowledge
By the prudent architect,
Placed against the church direct,[1]
Making good my grandam’s jest,
“Near the church”—­you know the rest.[2]
  Tell us what the pile contains? 
Many a head that has no brains. 
These demoniacs let me dub
With the name of Legion[3] Club. 
Such assemblies, you might swear,
Meet when butchers bait a bear: 
Such a noise, and such haranguing,
When a brother thief’s a hanging: 
Such a rout and such a rabble
Run to hear Jackpudding gabble: 
Such a crowd their ordure throws
On a far less villain’s nose. 
  Could I from the building’s top
Hear the rattling thunder drop,
While the devil upon the roof
(If the devil be thunder proof)
Should with poker fiery red
Crack the stones, and melt the lead;
Drive them down on every skull,
When the den of thieves is full;
Quite destroy that harpies’ nest;
How might then our isle be blest! 
For divines allow, that God
Sometimes makes the devil his rod;
And the gospel will inform us,
He can punish sins enormous. 
  Yet should Swift endow the schools,
For his lunatics and fools,
With a rood or two of land,
I allow the pile may stand. 
You perhaps will ask me, Why so? 
But it is with this proviso: 
Since the house is like to last,
Let the royal grant be pass’d,
That the club have right to dwell
Each within his proper cell,
With a passage left to creep in
And a hole above for peeping. 
  Let them, when they once get in,
Sell the nation for a pin;
While they sit a-picking straws,
Let them rave of making laws;
While they never hold their tongue,
Let them dabble in their dung: 
Let them form a grand committee,
How to plague and starve the city;
Let them stare, and storm, and frown,
When they see a clergy gown;
Let them, ere they crack a louse,
Call for th’orders of the house;
Let them, with their gosling quills,
Scribble senseless heads of bills;
We may, while they strain their throats,
Wipe our a—­s with their votes.