From the French point of view, flirtage and flirtation generally have been discussed by Madame Bentzon ("Family Life in America,” Forum, March, 1896) who, however, fails to realize the natural basis of flirtation in courtship.  She regards it as a sin against the law “Thou shalt not play with love,” for it ought to have the excuse of an irresistible passion, but she thinks it is comparatively inoffensive in America (though still a deteriorating influence on the women) on account of the temperament, education, and habits of the people.  It must, however, be remembered that play has a proper relationship to all vital activities, and that a reasonable criticism of flirtation is concerned rather with its normal limitations than with its right to exist (see the observations on the natural basis of coquetry and the ends it subserves in “The Evolution of Modesty” in volume i of these Studies).

While flirtation in its natural form—­though not in the perverted form of “flirtage”—­has sound justification, alike as a method of testing a lover and of acquiring some small part of the art of love, it remains an altogether inadequate preparation for love.  This is sufficiently shown by the frequent inaptitude for the art of love, and even for the mere physical act of love, so frequently manifested both by men and women in the very countries where flirtation most flourishes.

This ignorance, not merely of the art of love but even of the physical facts of sexual love, is marked not only in women, especially women of the middle class, but also in men, for the civilized man, as Fritsch long ago remarked, often knows less of the facts of the sexual life than a milkmaid.  It shows itself differently, however, in the two sexes.

Among women sexual ignorance ranges from complete innocence of the fact that it involves any intimate bodily relationship at all to misapprehensions of the most various kind; some think that the relationship consists in lying side by side, many that intercourse takes place at the navel, not a few that the act occupies the whole night.  It has been necessary in a previous chapter to discuss the general evils of sexual ignorance; it is here necessary to refer to its more special evils as regards the relationship of marriage.  Girls are educated with the vague idea that they will marry,—­quite correctly, for the majority of them do marry,—­but the idea that they must be educated for the career that will naturally fall to their lot is an idea which as yet has never seemed to occur to the teachers of girls.  Their heads are crammed to stupidity with the knowledge of facts which it is no one’s concern to know, but the supremely important training for life they are totally unable to teach.  Women are trained for nearly every avocation under the sun; for the supreme avocation of wifehood and motherhood they are never trained at all!