was and ever have been absolutely insensible to the influence of the other sex.  I am not a woman hater, and take intellectual pleasure in the society of certain ladies, but they are nearly all much older than myself.  I have a strong repulsion from sexual relations with women.  I should not mind being married for the sake of companionship and for the sake of having boys of my own.  But the sexual act would frighten me.  I could not in my present frame of mind go to bed with a woman.  Yet I feel an immense envy of my married friends in that they are able to give out, and find satisfaction for, their affection in a way that is quite impossible for me.  I picture certain boys in the place of the wife.

“I am now only happy in the society of men younger than myself, age 17 to (say) 23 or 24, youths with smooth faces, or first sign of hair on lip, well groomed, slightly effeminate in feature, of sympathetic, perhaps weak nature.  I feel I want to help them, do something for them, devote myself entirely to their welfare.

“With such there is no fixed line between friendship and love.  I yearn for intimacy with particular friends, but never dare express it.  I find so many people object to any strong expression of feeling that I dare not run the risk of appearing ridiculous in the eyes of these desired intimates.

“I have no desire for paedicatio, but the idea itself does not repulse me or seem unnatural, though personally it repels me a little.  But I think this to be mere prejudice on my part, which might be broken down if the loved person showed a willingness to act a passive part.  I should never dare to make an advance, however.

“I am restrained by moral and religious considerations from making my real feelings known, and I feel I should sink in my own estimation if I gave way, though my natural desire is to do so.  In the face of opportunities (not I mean of paedicatio, but of expression of excessive affection, etc.), or what might be such, I always fail to speak lest I should forfeit the esteem of the other person.  I have a feeling of surprise when any one I like evinces a liking for me.  I feel that those I love are immeasurably my superiors, though my reason may tell me it is not so.  I would grovel at their feet, do anything to win a smile from them, or to make them give me their company.

“Ordinary bodily contact with the boy I love gives me most exquisite pleasure, and I never lose an opportunity of bringing such contact about when it can be done naturally.  I feel an immense desire to embrace, kiss, squeeze, etc., the person, to generally maul him, and say nice things—­the kind of things a man usually says to a woman.  A handshake, the mere presence of the person, makes me happy and content.

“I can say with the Albanian:  ’If I find myself in the presence of the