me down) which she heard, not being quite unconscious and said half incoherently and very pitiably:  “Be kind, oh, be kind!” repeating it after consciousness left her.  Her heart had been breaking all day at the prospect of parting, and also, I expect, because I was so ready to part with her.  That moment was a crisis in my life.  I was in a murderous humor, but she looked so unutterably wretched that it seemed impossible to be anything but kind.  I made myself speak lovingly to her, in moments of partial consciousness, hired a room, carried her up, and nursed her and petted her all night.  The act of self-control, and forcing myself to be kind whatever I felt, became a habit in time, a sort of second nature.

    In a few days she sailed.  When she had gone I was remorseful and
    mad with myself.  How could I let her go by herself?  I resolved to
    follow her as speedily as possible, and did so.

If I remember rightly I came to the conclusion about this time that we ought not to have coition unless we felt great love for each other.  It seemed to corroborate this to a certain extent that A. always seemed more electric and pleasant to the touch when we had connection for love and not for lust.  Leave it to Nature, I would say to myself.  I began to feel how much my struggles, efforts and temperate living had improved me.  I had more self-respect, though something of the old self-consciousness was still left.  I did not get better continuously, but in an up-and-down zigzag.  I still had moods of rage approaching madness and periods of neurotic depression.  Long walks decidedly helped to cure me, and the sea, sun, wind, clouds and trees colored my dreams at night very sweetly.  I frequently dreamed I was walking in orchards or forests, and a deeper, slightly melancholy but potent savor, as of a diviner destiny, was on my soul.

After a long absence, during which she had frequently been ill, A. joined me.  I could see she was recovering from fits, which I began to realize that she had more frequently in absence from me, and also from drinking, perhaps.  She was small and thin, but fresh and sweet as honey, and all signs of fits and tempers passed away from her face, so wonderful in its changes.  I had become so healthy through my abstinence, temperance and long walks that our meeting was a new revelation to me of how delicate, fragrant and divine a convalescent woman may be.  She was glad and surprised to see me looking so well, and if she put her hand on my arm I felt a joyous thrill.  I was certainly a better man for abstaining and she a better woman and I determined not to have connection unless we were carried away by our love.  As a matter of fact we did not give way to excess, though we were very loving.  I tried to persuade myself that we had not gone back to our old ways, but I could not do so long.

Miss T. put in an appearance every day.  She did not look so innocent, but as it was no