in a disagreeably pimpled condition—­and I could not induce him to linger in my room nor to sleep with me.  My passion for O. did not diminish, and it rose to its supremacy on the evening when he appeared in our hallway (he roomed on the girls’ side of the house and hinted at the sexual sights that he saw) in a costume of white satin, lace, and wings.  He was ready for a costume party.

I now masturbated less frequently, for I was beginning to appreciate the horrible consequences of my indulgence.  I had frequent pollutions, with dreams.  My day was one long agony of fear.  How I dreaded to go to sleep in the same bed with my older chum, who never made any advances beyond embracing me passively cum erectione while he was asleep.  My day was one long agony of fear.  At meal time my feet constantly writhed in agony for fear that the headmaster’s grown up young ladies should make fun of me, or that my lack of facial composure and my inability to look people in the eye might be commented upon.  I tingled with apprehension, especially in the region of my stomach.  Every nerve was taut in the effort I made to appear composed.  I masturbated with erections over nothing.  Greek recitations were for me an auto da fe.  My heart beat like a trip-hammer at the thought of getting up to recite, and once on my feet my voice shook and my mind wandered.  I hated the thought of people behind me looking at me.  I rarely summoned the courage to turn my head either one way or the other.  I vastly admired the “bravery” of the small, 15-year-old boy who recited so calmly and so well.  I was too cowardly to play foot-ball and base-ball, and I dreaded even my favorite tennis because the spectators put me in a state of scared self-consciousness.  Knowing my own condition, I was yet so blind to it most of the time, and such a Jekyll-and-Hyde, that I actually pitied a boy of 19 who was an eccentric and a scared victim of masturbation.  But in spite of my neuropathic condition I developed intellectually.  I do not touch upon this aspect of my life, however, because I am trying to limit myself strictly to sexual manifestations.  At the present time I have not the courage to continue the narrative.

    HISTORY III.—­The following narrative is written by a clergyman,
    age 40, unmarried:—­

My childhood and early boyhood were unmarked by sexual phenomena, beyond occasional erections, which commenced when about 5 years of age, without any exciting causes.  These were accompanied by some degree of excitement, of the same nature as that which I experienced in later years.  I was absolutely ignorant of sexual matters, but always had an idea that the essential difference between man and woman was to be found in the genital organs.  This was sometimes a matter for thought and curiosity.

Being for many years an only child I saw little of other children, and formed the habit of amusing myself with making things—­boats,