a critical moment when his knocks were heard, and
in the hurry and excitement some moisture was left
on the bed. The knocks became louder, but
she was calmer than I, and bade me run down to
the closet. I could hear her cheerful and chaffing
voice greeting him. When I walked in back to my
own room she called out: ‘Here’s
T. home!’ I learned afterward that he had been
surly and suspicious, and had seen the moisture on
the bed, and asked about it, whereupon she had
turned the tables upon him completely; he ought
to be ashamed of himself; she knew what he meant
by his insinuations; if he must know how that moisture
come on the bed, why she put the soap there in
a hurry to catch a flea. He believed her
and brought her a present next day in atonement
for his suspicions.
“During her monthly periods, when I could not touch her, she would come in and play with me until emissions occurred, and my feelings had become so perverted that I even preferred this to coitus. The orgasm would occur twice in her to once in me, and though her eyes were rather hard and her mouth too, she always looked well and cheerful, while I was gloomy and depressed. In her side, however, was a hard lump, which pained her at times, and which, doubtless, was waiting its time....
“One day I felt so low in health that I proposed to T.D. that we should take a boat and sail out in the bay for a day or two. The sea, the change, the open air revived me, and I even made sketches of the black sailor as he steered the boat. One day when I was left alone in charge of the boat, as I felt the time hanging on my hands, for the sea, the blue sky, the lovely day gave me no real pleasure, I remember abusing myself, the old habit reasserting itself as soon as I was alone and idle. When T.D. came back he brought Mrs. D. with him, laughing and jolly as usual. She was surprised when lying next to me under the deck on our return I did not respond to her advances. It would have pleased her, with her husband only a few feet away. After that I spent a night with her, but she was getting tired of me. I did not care for her, but it hurt my vanity and I made a few attempts to be impertinent. She looked at me coldly and threatened to complain to T....
“I want to relate an impression I received one night about this time when with several friends we called at a brothel. I forget my companion, but I remember two faces. It was winter, and great depression prevailed in Adelaide. We had been talking to the mistress as we drank some beer and were pretending to be jolly fellows, although we were wet, cold, and had not enjoyed ourselves (at least, I had not), and she was speaking harshly and jeeringly about two girls she had now who had not earned a penny for the past week. Just then we heard footsteps and she said in a lower tone: ‘Here they are,’ They came in, unattended, having ascertained which the brothel-keeper snorted and turned her back to