against a wall, and—­when the holidays came—­she stayed a night with me in London.  She had apparently no fear of getting in the family way, and never used any precaution.  Sensual as she was, she did not show her feelings by outward demonstration.

    “On one occasion she proposed fellatio.  She said she had done
    it to her fiance and liked it.  This is the only case I have
    known of a woman wishing to do it for the love of it.

“The emotional tension on my nerves—­the continual jealousy I was in, the knowledge that before long she would marry and we must part—­eventually caused me to get ill.  She never told me she loved me more than any other man; yet, owing to my importunity, she saw much more of me than anyone else.  It came to the ears of her fiance that she was in my company a great deal; there was a meeting of the three of us—­convened at his wish—­at which she had formally, before him, to say ‘good-bye’ to me.  Yet we still continued to meet and to have intercourse.

“Then the date of her marriage drew near.  She wrote me saying that she could not see me any more.  I forced myself, however, on her, and our relations still continued.  Her elder sister interviewed me and said she would inform the authorities unless I gave her up; a brother, too, came to see me and made a row.

“I had what I seriously intended to be a last meeting with her.  But after that she came up to London to see me, we went to a hotel together.  We arranged to see one another again, but she did not write.  I had now left the university.  I heard she was married.

“It was now four years since I had first had intercourse with a woman.  During this time I was almost continually under the influence, either of a definite love affair or of a general lasciviousness and desire for intercourse with women.  My character and life were naturally affected by this.  My studies were interfered with; I had become extravagant and had run into debt.  It is worthy of note that I had never up to this time considered the desirability of marriage.  This was perhaps chiefly because I had no means to marry.  But even in the midst of my affairs I always retained sufficient sense to criticise the moral and intellectual calibre of the women I loved, and I held strong views on the advisability of mental and moral sympathies and congenital tastes existing between people who married.  In my amours I had hitherto found no intellectual equality or sympathies.  My passion for D.C. was prompted by (1) the bond that sexual intercourse with a woman has nearly always produced in my feelings, (2) her physical beauty, (3) that she was sensual, (4) that she was a lady, (5) that she was young, (6) that she was not mercenary.  It was kept alive by the obstacles in the way of my seeing her enough and by her engagement to another.

“The D.C. affair left me worn