in this promise) I made overtures to him, but he refused.  I then commended his conduct, and said I knew he was quite right, and begged him to refuse again if I should ever suggest it.  I did not ever suggest it again.  For many years I bitterly reproached myself for having corrupted him.  However, I do not think any harm has been done him.  But my self-reproaches have caused me to feel I owe some reparation to him.  I also have more affection for him than for my other brothers and sisters.

“At the age of 15 I went to one of the large public schools.  I was fairly forward for my age, and entered high.  But I made small progress.  I had bad reports; I was ‘slack in games,’ and not popular among the boys.  In fact, I stood still, so that when I left I was backward in comparison with other boys of even less natural intelligence.

“The teaching was certainly bad.  Moreover, I had not any friends, and this made me very sensitive.  It was to a great extent my fault.  When I first went there I was taken up by a set above me—­boys who were ‘senior’ to me in standing.  When they left I found myself alone.

    “My unpopularity was increased by my being considered to put on
    ‘side’; also because I paid attention to my dress.

“At the public school I had homosexual relations with various boys, usually without any passion.  With one boy, however, I was deeply in love for over a year; I thought of him, dreamed of him, would have been content only to kiss him.  But my courtship met with no success.

“When carrying on with other boys the desire to reach the crisis was not always strong, perhaps out of shyness or modesty.  Occasionally I had intercrural connection, which gave me the first intimation of what intercourse with a woman was like.  When I masturbated in solitude I used to continue till the orgasm.

“My housemaster one day sent for me and said he had walked through my cubicle and noticed a stain on the sheet.  At this time I used to have nocturnal emissions.  I cannot remember whether on this occasion the stain was due to one, or to masturbation.  But I imagined that one did not have ‘wet dreams’ unless one masturbated.  So when he went on to say that this was a proof that I was immoral I acknowledged I masturbated.  He then told me I would injure my health—­possibly ‘weaken my heart,’ or ’send myself mad’; he said that he would ask me to promise never to do it again.

“I promised.  I left humiliated and ashamed of myself; also generally frightened.  He used to send for me every now and then, and ask me if I had kept my promise.  For some months I did.  Then I relapsed, and told him when he asked me.  Ultimately he ceased sending for me—­apparently convinced either that I was cured or that I was incorrigible.

“A year or so afterward he discovered in my study (for I was now in the upper school