“He was a delicate, feeble boy; not good at work; womanish in his ways; inclined to go in for petty bullying, until a boy showed fight, when he discovered himself to be an arrant coward.  Four or five years later I met him at the university.  His greeting was cool.  My next affair was with a boy who was about my age (13), strong, full-blooded, coarse, always in ‘hot water.’  He was the son of the headmaster of one of the best-known public schools.  It was reported that two brothers had been expelled from this public school for what we called ‘beastliness.’  He told me his older brother used to have intercrural intercourse with him.  This was the first I had heard of this.  We used to masturbate mutually.  I had, however, no affection or desire for him.

“With E., another boy, I had no relations, but I remember him as the first person of the same sex for whom I experienced love.  He was a small, fair, thin, and little boy, some two years younger than myself, so my inferior in the social hierarchy of a school.

“At the end of my last term I had two disappointments.  I was beaten by a younger and clever boy for the first place in the school, and also beaten by one point in the competition for the Athletic Cup by a stronger boy who had only come to the school that very term.  However, as a consolation prize, and as I was leaving, the headmaster gave me a second prize.  This soothed my hurt feelings, and I remember, just after the ‘head’ had read out the prizes, on the last day of term, E., coming up to me, putting his arm on my shoulder, looking at me rather pensively, and in a voice that thrilled me and made me wish to kiss and hug him, tell me he was so glad I had got a prize and that it was a shame that other chap had beaten me for the cup.

“I was three years (aged 12 to 15) at the preparatory school.  I started in the bottom form and ended second in the school.  My reports were generally good, and I was keen to do well in work.  I was considerably influenced by the ‘head.’  He was a clergyman, but a man of wide reading, broad opinion, great scholarship, and great enthusiasm.  We became very friendly.

“During the holidays I now first practiced intercrural intercourse with a younger brother.  I started touching his penis, and causing erections, when he was about 5.  Afterward I got him to masturbate me and I masturbated him; I used to get him into bed with me.  On one occasion I spontaneously (never having heard of such a thing) made him take my penis in his mouth.

“This went on for several years.  When I was about 16 and he about 10, the old family nurse spoke to me about it.  She told me he had complained of my doing it.  I was in great fear that my parents might hear of it.  I went to him; told him I was sorry, but I had not understood he disliked it, but that I would not do it again.

“About a year later (having persisted