together after night-fall we would put our arms about each other.  Sometimes, too, when sleeping together we would lie in close contact, and my friend once suggested that I put my legs against his.  He frequently begged me to spend the night with him; but I began to fear my feelings, and slept with him but seldom.  We neither of us had any definite ideas about homosexual relations, and, apart from what I have related above, we had no further contact with each other.  A few months after our amorous feelings had developed my friend died.  His death caused me great distress, and my naturally religious temperament began to manifest itself quite strongly.  At this time, too, I first read some writings of Mr. Addington Symonds, and certain allusions in his work, coupled with my recent experience, soon stirred me to a full consciousness of my inverted nature.

“About eight months after my friend’s death I happened to meet in a strange town a youth of about my own age who exerted upon me a strong and instant attraction.  He possessed a refined, handsome face, was gracefully built, and, though he was rather undemonstrative, we soon became fast friends.

“We were together only for a few days, when I was obliged to leave for my home, and the parting caused me great unhappiness and depression.  A few months after we spent a vacation together.  One day during our trip we went swimming, and undressed in the same bathhouse.  When I saw my friend naked for the first time he seemed to me so beautiful that I longed to throw my arms about him and cover him with kisses.  I kept my feelings hidden, however, hardly daring to look at him for fear of being unable to restrain my desires.  Several times afterward, in his room, I saw him stripped, with the same effect upon my emotions.  Until I had seen him naked my feelings for him were not of a physical character, but afterward I longed for actual contact, but only by embraces and kisses.  Though he was fond of me, he had absolutely no amorous longings for me, and being a simple, pure-minded fellow, would have loathed me for mine and my inverted nature.  I was careful never to let him discover it, and I was made very unhappy when he confided that he was in love with a young girl whom he wished to marry.  This episode took place several years ago, and though we are still friends my emotional feelings for him have cooled considerably.

“I have always been very shy of showing any affectionate tendencies.  Most of my acquaintances (and close friends even) think me curiously cold, and often wonder why I have never fallen in love or married.  For obvious reasons I have never been able to tell them.

“Three or four years ago a little book by Coventry Patmore fell into my hands, and from its perusal resulted a strange blending of my religious and erotic notions.  The desire to love and be loved is hard to drown, and, when I realized that homosexually it was neither lawful