“At school I was an indolent, dreamy boy, shirking study, but otherwise fairly docile to my teachers.  From earliest childhood I have indulged in omnivorous taste for reading, my particular likings being for travels, esthetics, metaphysical and theological subjects, and more recently for poetry and certain forms of mysticism.  I never cared much for history or for scientific subjects.  From the beginning, too, I showed a strong artistic bent, and possessed an overpowering love for all things beautiful.  As a child I was passionately fond of flowers, loved to be in the woods and alone, and wanted to become an artist.  My parents opposed the latter wish and I gave way before their opposition.

“In me the homosexual nature is singularly complete, and is undoubtedly congenital.  The most intense delight of my childhood (even when a tiny boy in a nurse’s charge) was to watch acrobats and riders at the circus.  This was not so much for the skillful feats as on account of the beauty of their persons.  Even then I cared chiefly for the more lithe and graceful fellows.  People told me that circus actors were wicked, and would steal little boys, and so I came to look upon my favorites as half-devil and half-angel.  When I was older and could go about alone, I would often hang around the tents of travelling shows in hope of catching a glimpse of the actors.  I longed to see them naked, without their tights, and used to lie awake at night thinking of them and longing to be loved and embraced by them.  A certain bareback rider, a sort of jockey, used especially to please me on account of his handsome legs, which were clothed in fleshlings up to his waist, leaving his beautiful loins uncovered by a breech-clout.  There was nothing consciously sensual about these reveries, because at the time I had no sensual feelings or knowledge.  Curiously enough, the women-actors repelled me then (as they do to this day) quite as strongly as I was attracted by the men.

“I used, also, to take great pleasure in watching men and boys in swimming, but my opportunities for seeing them thus were extremely rare.  I never dared let my comrades know how I felt about these matters, but the sight of a well-formed, naked youth or man would fill me (and does now) with mingled feelings of bashfulness, anguish, and delight.  I used to tell myself endless stories of a visionary castle inhabited by beautiful boys, one of whom was especially my dear chum.

“It was always the prince, in fairy tales, who held my interest or affection.  I was constantly falling in love with handsome boys whom I never knew; nor did I ever try to mix in their company, for I was abashed before them, and had no liking nor aptitude for boyish games.  Sometimes I played with girls because they were more quiet and gentler, but I cared for them little or not at all.

“As is usually the case, my parents