had money and opportunity I would dress in men’s clothes and go to another country, in order that I might be unhampered by sex considerations and conventions.  I determined to live an honorable, upright, but simple life.

“I had no idea at first that homosexual attractions in women existed; afterward observations on the lower animals put the idea into my head.  I made no preparation in my mind for any sexual life, though I thought it would be a dreary business repressing my body all my days.

“My relations with other women were entirely pure.  My attitude toward my sexual physical feelings was one of reserve and repression, and I think the growing conviction of my radical deficiency somewhere, would have made intimate affection for anyone, with any demonstration in it, a kind of impropriety for which I had no taste.

    “However, between 21 and 24 other things happened to me.

“During these few years I saw plenty of men and plenty of women.  As regards the men I liked them very well, but I never thought the man would turn up with whom I should care to live.  Several men were very friendly with me and three in particular used to write me letters and give me much of their confidence.  I invited two of them to visit at my house.  All these men talked to me with freedom and even told me about their sexual ideas and doings.  One asked me to believe that he was leading a good life; the other two owned that they were not.  One discussed the question of homosexuality with me; he has never married.  I liked one of them a good deal, being attracted by his softness and gentleness and almost feminine voice.  It was hoped that I would take to him and he very cautiously made love to me.  I allowed him to kiss me a few times and wrote him a few responsive letters, wondering what I liked in him.  Someone then commented on the acquaintance and said ‘marriage,’ and I woke up to the fact that I did not really want him at all.  I think he found the friendship too insipid and was glad to be out of it.  All these men were a trifle feminine in characteristics, and two played no games.  I thought it odd that they should all express admiration for the very boyish qualities in me that other people disliked.  A fourth man, something of the same type, told another friend that he always felt surprised at how freely he was able to talk to me, but that he never could feel that I was a woman.  Two of these were brilliantly clever men; two were artists.

“At the same period, or earlier, I made a number of women friends, and of course saw more of them.  I chose out some and some chose me; I think I attracted them as much as, or even more than, they attracted me.  I do not quite remember if this was so, though I can say for certain that it was so at school.  There were three or four bright, clever, young women whom I got to know then with whom I was great friends.  We were interested in books, social theories,