3.  When I was 4 a neighbor who had often petted me took me on his lap and clasped my hand around his penis.  Though he was interrupted in a moment, this made a lasting impression on me.  I had no physical sensation nor did I have any conception of the significance of the act.  Yet I had a slight feeling of repulsion, and I must have dimly felt that it was wrong, for I did not tell my mother.  I was not accustomed to confide in her, for, though truthful, I was secretive.

    “At the age of 5 I commenced to attend a district school.  I
    remember that on my first day I was Greatly attracted by a little
    girl who wore a bright-red dress.

“My first definite knowledge of sex came in this way:  I was attending Sabbath school and had become ambitious to read the Bible through.  I had gotten as far as the account of the birth of Esau and Jacob, which aroused my curiosity.  So I asked my mother the meaning of some word in the passage.  She seemed embarrassed and evaded my question.  This attitude stimulated my curiosity further, and I re-read the chapter until I understood it pretty well.  Later I was further enlightened by girl playmates.  I fancy I enjoyed listening to their talk and repeating what I knew on account of the mystery and secrecy with which sex subjects are surrounded rather than any sensual delight.

“I cannot recall any act of mine growing directly from sexual feeling until I was 10 years old.  Several other little girls and myself two or three times exposed private parts of our bodies to each other.  In one instance, at least, I was the instigator.  This act gave me some pleasure, though no distinct physical sensation.  One incident I recall that happened when I was about 10.  A girl cousin and myself had been playing ‘house’ together.  I do not recall what immediately led to it, but we began to address each other as boys and tried to urinate through long tubes of some sort.  I also recall feeling a vague interest in this process in animals, and observing them closely in the act.

“From this time until I was about 14 I grew ruder, more boisterous and uncontrollable.  Prior to this I had been a quite tractable child.  When 12 I became interested in a boy in my grade at school, and tried to attract him, but failed.  Once at a children’s party where we were playing kissing games I tried to get him to kiss me, but he was unresponsive.  I do not recall bothering myself about him after that.  A year later I had a boy chum about whom my schoolmaster teased me.  I thought this ridiculous.  At the age of 13 I menstruated, a fact that caused me shame and anger.  Gradually I grew to feel myself peculiar, why, I cannot explain.  I did not seem to myself to be like other girls of my acquaintance.  I adopted, as a defense, a brusque and defiant air.  I spent a good deal of time playing alone in our backyard, where I made a pair of stilts, practised rope-walking, and such