He never resorted to the remedies advertised, but he was discouraged in his efforts to overcome the bad habit; and since the evil effects appeared to consist only in the seminal losses, he concluded that he might as well have the greater enjoyment of masturbation.

    For a short time, he remembers that he had an intense but
    revolting interest in the sexual organs of animals, especially
    horses.  The males were much more interesting.

Gradually he began to develop, entirely from within, the ideal of a male comrade,—­a beautiful, emotional boy between whom and himself there might exist a powerful romantic passion.  He lay for hours dreaming of this, and inventing thrilling situations.  Suddenly, at church, he became acquainted with the very youth, Edmund, who seemed to satisfy all his longings.  M.O. was then 161/2 and Edmund 15.  A real wooing ensued, Edmund finally yielding to the physical appeals of M.O. after several fits of misgiving.  The yielding was in the end complete, however.  The two spent night after night together, enjoying intercrural intercourse and sometimes mutual masturbation.  Their parents may have been slightly uneasy at times, but the connection continued uninterruptedly for a year and a half or more.  In the meantime M.O. occasionally had relations with other boys, but never wavered in his real preference for Edmund.  For girls he had no sexual desire whatever, though he was much associated with them.

Then M.O. and Edmund went to college at different places, but they met in vacations and wrote frequent and ardent love-letters.  Both had genuine attacks of love-sickness and of jealousy.  As M.O. looks back on this first love passion he can by no means regret it.  It doubtless had great formative influence.

After the first year at college, Edmund transferred to another school farther away from M.O. and the opportunities for meeting became rarer, but their affection was maintained and the intercourse resumed whenever it was possible.  Gradually, however, Edmund became interested in women and finally married.  M.O. also formed relations repeatedly with college friends and occasionally with others.

On the whole M.O. preferred boys a year or two younger than himself, but as he grew older the age difference increased.  At 30 he regarded himself as virtually “engaged” to a youth of 17, one unusually mature, however, and much larger than himself.

M.O. is always unhappy unless his affections have fairly free course.  Life has been very disappointing to him in other respects.  His greatest joys have come to him in this way.  If he is able to consummate his present plan of union with the youth just referred to, he will feel that his life has been crowned by what is for him the best possible end; otherwise, he declares, he would not care to live at all.

He admires male beauty passionately.