“As a boy of 10 I had the ordinary sweethearting with a girl of the same age.  The incident is worth perhaps a little further comment for the following reason:  When I was 16 years old the girl lived with us for a year.  She was a nice, pleasant, bright girl, and she thought a great deal of me.  I was strongly attracted by her.  I remember especially one little incident.  I had been showing her how to do some algebra and she was kneeling at the table by the side of my chair.  Her hair was flowing over her shoulders and she looked rather charming.  She expressed warm admiration of the way I had worked the problem out.  I remember that I deliberately squashed out the feeling of attraction that came over me.  I scarcely know why I did this; but I fancy there was a vague sense that I did not want my work disturbed.  There was no sexual attraction or, at least, none that was manifest.  The girl, there is no doubt, grew to love me.  I am sorry to say that in two other cases, later, women loved me, and have both permanently remained unmarried on my account.  I sometimes feel that in a wisely free society I should be able to give both of these women children.  That I believe I could do, and I think it would be an immense satisfaction to them.  A permanent union with a woman would, however, be impossible to me.  A permanent union with a man would, I believe, be possible.  At least I know that attractions which have been at all homosexual in character have in my case been very lasting.

“I was strongly attracted when not more than 13 to a lad slightly older.  It was a love story, there is no doubt, but I do not recollect any outer sexual signs.  There were other passing cases, but in no case was there any warm response till I was 15.  I then made friends with a lad of entirely different type from myself.  I was a reader.  I liked long walks and fresh air, but I was too shy to go in for sports.  Indeed I was frightfully shy.  He was a great sportsman and always at home in society.  But he asked me to help him with some work, and we took to working together.  I grew passionately fond of him.  His caresses always caused some erection.  Personally, I believe it would have been wiser to have obtained complete sexual expression.  The absence of knowledge led to two distinctly undesirable results.  The first was marked congestion and pain at times; the second was a tendency to a sort of modified masochism.  There is always, I suppose, some erotic attraction about the buttocks, and of course also, to boys, they afford an irresistibly attractive mark for a good smack.  I found that when this lad spanked me it produced some amount of sexual excitement, and the desire for this form of stimulus grew upon me.  The result, in my case, was bad.  It was sensualism, not love.  I can say this with confidence, because in a much later