to lie in the thick and stress of conglomerated deliciousness of thighs struggling to hold me; I was able to imagine at least six bodies encircling me with passionate contact.  At the same time I had an ingrained feeling of my own physical smallness in relation to the limbs whose contact threw me into such paroxysms of delight.  A new and sufficiently ludicrous invention took possession of me; I imagined myself strapped to the thigh (always, I think, the right one) of the man on whom I chose, for the time, to concentrate my desires, and so to be worn by him during his day’s work, hidden beneath his garments.  I was not conscious of any difficulty due to my size.  The charm of bondage and compulsion was here, again, in the ascendant.  I fancy that it was in this connection that I first anticipated whipping as the delightful climax to my emotions, administered when my possessor, at the end of his day’s work, unclothed himself for rest.

“Up to this stage my attraction to the male organ of generation had been slight and vague.  Two things now contributed to bring thought of it into prominence.  On two or three occasions when I accompanied farm laborers to their occupations I saw them pause by the way to relieve nature.  My extreme shyness as regards such matters in my own person made this performance in my presence like an outrage on my modesty; it had about it the suggestion of an indecent solicitation to one whose inclination was to headlong and delirious surrender.  I stood rooted and flushing with downcast eyes till the act was over and was conscious for a considerable time of stammering speech and bewildered faculties.  When I afterward reviewed the circumstances they had the same attraction for me that amorous cruelty was just then beginning to exercise on my imagination.  My mind secretly embraced the fearful sweetness of the newly discovered sensation, surrounding the performance of the function with all sorts of atrocious and bizarre inventions.  For a time my intellect hung back from accepting this as the central and most fiery secret of the male attraction; but shortly afterward, when out walking with my father, I saw him perform the same act; I was overwhelmed with emotion and could barely drag my feet from the spot or my eyes from the damp herbage where he had deposited the waters of secrecy.  Even today, when my mind has been long accustomed to the knowledge of generative facts, I cannot dissociate myself from the shuddering charm that moment had for me.  The attraction my father’s person had always had for me was now increased tenfold by the performance I had witnessed (though I had not seen the penis in any of these cases).

“For a considerable time only those lovers were dominant in my imagination whom I had witnessed in the act that had so poignantly affected me.  My delight now took the form of imagining myself strapped to the thighs of the person while this function was in progress.