Often I have seriously thought of committing suicide, only to postpone it to a time which would be less cruelly inopportune to others.  I see my friend (now married) almost daily, and suffer tortures at seeing others nearer to him than myself.  No explanation seems possible, as the whole idea of inversion is so repugnant to him, and being an honorable man he would feel marital ties preclude any warmth of affection.  But all the longing of my life seems to be culminating in a driving force which will carry me to the male prostitute or to death.  I can concentrate my mind on nothing else, and consequently have become inefficient in work and have no heart for play.  I know if my longings could be occasionally satisfied I should immediately recover, but my fear is that if I killed myself those who knew me in happier days would only be confirmed in the impression of my degeneracy and would feel my instincts had caused it, whereas it is the denial and starvation of them which would have brought about the result.  I know now by experience of self and others that my disposition is congenital and that I have been rendered unhappy myself and a cause of unhappiness to others by the too late knowledge of myself.  The example of my former friend who married misled me to think I too could marry and make a happy home; so that when the man I loved advised me I resolved to do so, as I would have done almost anything else he suggested.  If I could have withdrawn from the engagement without embarrassment to the devoted woman who became my wife I would have done so, if she gave me the opportunity.  Nothing in my married state has brought me pleasure and I often wish my wife would cease to love me so that we might separate.  But she would be heart-broken at the suggestion and I feel driven to attempt to relieve my feelings even in a way that has previously seemed repulsive to me,—­I mean by use of money.

“About my feelings toward my child there is not much to say, as they are not very strong.  I believe I carry him and help bathe and attend to him as much as most fathers, and when he is a few years older I hope I may find him very companionable.  But he has brought me no real joy, though I see other men look at him almost with affection.  But he has brought added happiness to his mother.”

The next case is interesting as showing the mental and emotional development in a very radical case of sexual inversion.

HISTORY XX.—­Englishman, of independent means, aged 49.  His father and his father’s family were robust, healthy, and prolific.  On his mother’s side, phthisis, insanity, and eccentricity are traceable.  He belongs to a large family, some of whom died in early childhood and at birth, while others are normal.  He himself was a weakly and highly nervous child, subject to night-terrors and somnambulism, excessive shyness and religious disquietude.

Sexual consciousness awoke before the