and mutual misunderstandings and want of sympathy made life at home horrible.  I must admit from my earliest childhood I had a certain contempt for my father and brother because I found them so materialistic.  I had all my childhood rows with my brother.  My father took his part, my mother mine.  After I had recovered from my father’s sudden death (my first words were after reading the letter:  ‘Thank God it isn’t mother!’) I felt a great relief, but it took a long time for me to grasp that I was really free.

“I have always liked women’s society and, as a youth, I was very fond of gossip, which I by no means am now.  I have many women friends, more than men friends.  These women friends are all heterosexual except one.  I very often like elderly women; I suppose I see mother in such women.  A woman never could make me blush, but a man I admired could easily.

“I was 23 years of age when a married woman of good family asked me to come and spend the night with her.  I went, and though she was beautifully built, cleanly, and though her garments and apartments were of the utmost good taste, I did not have any erection.  On the other hand, I felt myself to be most unclean and bathed three times each of the following three days.  Since then I have never tried to have sexual intercourse with women.

“In Copenhagen I tried to excite my feelings with every class of woman, in vain.  I suppose it is that my nature is so like woman’s that there can be no reaction.  With men I am often very shy and nervous, tongue-tied, and my hands perspire.  Never so with women.

    “As a child I loved men and used to fall desperately in love with
    some who came to the house.  I would, when no one was there, kiss
    their hats, or gloves, or even their sticks.

“I can remember, when I was about 6 years, how I fell in love with a very good-looking 26-year-old German.  He had very curly hair and his hands were very beautiful.  He was very fond of me and I used to call him ‘my Boy.’  When visiting us he often used to ‘tuck me in’ after the nurse had gone down.  He always had sweets or something for me.  I can remember how I used to fling my arms round his neck and cover his face with kisses.  I would then draw his head down on my pillow and he would tell me fairy-tales and I would go off to sleep quite happy.

“At 7 years of age, while staying in the country, a very good-looking groom, about 25 years of age, misbehaved himself with me.  I often used to visit him in the stables, as this man had a strange attraction for me.  One day he tickled me.  While doing so he produced my penis and also his own, which was in full erection.  He tried in every way to excite my feelings, in vain.  For him the occasion terminated in an ejaculation.  He forbade me to tell anyone, and I did not do so, but tried to find out all I could on the subject,