gesticulate much.  From my material self it would be difficult to draw the conclusion that I was homosexual.  My sexual organs are normal.

“My disposition is apparently bright, but in reality melancholy.  Have very little love for human nature, but have a partiality for the British and Jewish races.  Hate business, politics, sports, and society.  Love music, art, literature, and nature.  Deep interest in mysticism.  Am clairvoyant.  Have been used many times as a medium.  Lead two separate lives, an outer and inner psychic life.  Am a fatalist and a theosophist.  Profound belief in reincarnation, always have had, because when I was a little child I could ‘remember’ so much.  Have an excellent memory, dating back to my third year.  Have always been too self-analytical.  Have from my earliest childhood felt myself an alien.  Am very sensitive, physically and psychically.  Have no wish to wear woman’s clothing or do woman’s work.  As to clothes for myself, I prefer black and not much jewelry.

“I could only love a perfectly manly man from 21 to 40 years of age.  He must be physically beautiful and well made.  Size of sexual organs plays no part.  The muscles must be developed and the hands must be especially well shaped.  Hands are my fetish. (I could never love anyone with ugly hands.) He must have no odor issuing from his body (though I do not dislike faint perfume when clothed), and, above all, never have a bad breath.  He must be intelligent, love music, art, literature, and nature.  He must be refined and cultured and have been about the world.  He must have simplicity in behavior, dress, and manner, and, above all, be clean-bodied as clean-minded.  Cynicism I cannot stand. (Here I may state I once owned a St. Bernard dog which reminded me much of my ideal.  He was always sedate, always loving, and faithful; generally quiet.  He only got excited when out in the elements.) I have not been able to get on with people who have no sense of humor.  From my birth I was physically weak.  First I suffered from eczema.  Being born with a double squint, I was operated on at 21/2 and again at 31/2 years of age, with excellent result.  From 4 to 12 years of age I had convulsions (often), and all the illnesses of childhood.  At the age of 121/2 years I took scarlet fever, followed by a weak heart, which grew stronger after a year, and Bright’s disease, which lasted fifteen years with hardly a break.  This illness had its wonted effect of producing melancholia and upsetting the whole nervous system.  Bright’s disease stopped suddenly but was followed by a succession of illnesses.  Then I had neuritis very badly.  I then removed to Bavaria, and to regain nervous strength I was treated by Freud’s psychoanalytical method, with great success.  I had a very bad relapse, as my brother, who had just heard I was homosexual, came to visit me and threatened to have me put under guardians, if my father should die.  It took me weeks to recover from the shock.