I had not even thought of so serious an occurrence in our little party and for a short time was obliged to give vent to my grief.  Left with one person and both of us weak, no appearance of Belanger, a likelihood that great calamity had taken place amongst our other companions, still upwards of seventeen days’ march from the nearest establishment, and myself unable to carry a burden; all these things pressed heavy on me, and how to get to the Indians or to the fort I did not know but, that I might not depress St. Germain’s spirits, I suppressed the feelings to which these thoughts gave rise and made some arrangements for the journey to Fort Providence.

October 18.

While we were this day occupied in scraping together the remains of some deer’s meat we observed Belanger coming round a point apparently scarcely moving.  I went to meet him and made immediate inquiries about my friends.  Five, with the Captain, he said, were at the house, the rest were left near the river unable to proceed, but he was too weak to relate the whole.  He was conducted to the encampment and paid every attention to, and by degrees we heard the remainder of his tragic tale, at which the interpreter could not avoid crying.  He then gave me a letter from my friend the Commander which indeed was truly afflicting.  The simple story of Belanger I could hear, but when I read it in another language, mingled with the pious resignation of a good man, I could not sustain it any longer.  The poor man was much affected at the death of our lamented companion but his appetite prevailed over every other feeling and, had I permitted it, he would have done himself an injury; for after two hours’ eating, principally skin and sinews, he complained of hunger.  The day was cloudy with snow and fresh breezes from the north-east by east.

The last evening as well as this morning the 19th I mentioned my wishes to the men that we should proceed towards Reindeer Lake, but this proposal met with a direct refusal.  Belanger stated his inability to move and St. Germain used similar language, adding for the first time that he did not know the route, and that it was of no use to go in the direction I mentioned, which was the one agreed upon between the Commander and myself.  I then insisted that we should go by the known route and join the Commander, but they would not hear of it; they would remain where they were until they had regained their strength; they said I wanted to expose them again to death (faire perir).  In vain did I use every argument to the contrary for they were equally heedless to all.  Thus situated I was compelled to remain, and from this time to the 25th we employed ourselves in looking about for the remnants of the deer and pieces of skin which even the wolves had left and, by pounding the bones, we were enabled to make a sort of soup which strengthened us greatly, though each still complained of weakness.  It was not without the greatest difficulty that I could restrain the men from eating every scrap they found, though they were well aware of the necessity there was of being economical in our present situation and to save whatever they could for our journey; yet they could not resist the temptation and whenever my back was turned they seldom failed to snatch at the nearest piece to them, whether cooked or raw.