Pater.  Why, Sir, you are insupportable!

Jacky (smiling).  I see—­a joke—­very good!  But, my dear Sir, do you think it quite dignified to make so small a jest in my presence?  It is calculated to lessen my respect for you.

Pater.  Well I never!

Jacky.  Never what?  You have not completed the sentence.

Pater.  Sir, you are an insolent young puppy!

Jacky.  I am forced to contradict you—­in justice to yourself.  You cannot be willing to let me regard you as a dog?

Pater. (after a pause).  Well, the sooner you get back to the school the better.

Jacky (promptly).  I have no doubt you are right, my dear Father; and, as I take a sincere interest in your welfare, I would respectfully suggest that you should accompany me.  It must be patent to us both that you are lacking in polish.

Pater. (losing his patience).  You young cub!  I will give you the soundest thrashing you ever had in your life!

Materfamilias (interposing).  Oh, you cruel man!  What has the poor child done?

Jacky (with ready tact).  Nothing, dearest Mamma, except to take after his kind, clever and accomplished Mother!

    [Scene closes in upon a family group not entirely free from
    domestic complications.

* * * * *

THE SURREY ABC.

[Illustration]

  A is for ABEL, who can certainly block well;
  B stands for BOWLEY, and BEAUMONT, and BROOKWELL;
  C is the Captain, JOHN SHUTER his name;
  D is the Devotion he gives to the game;
  E is the Eleven, deservedly great;
  F is the Funk which their bowlers create. 
  G stands for GEORGE—­our only GEORGE LOHMANN;
  H for young HENDERSON, valiant young foeman. 
  I is the Innings, beloved of the gapers;
  J is the Jargon they put in the papers. 
  K is for KEY, the accomplished Dark Blue;
  L is for LOCKWOOD, who bowls a bit too;
  M is for MAURICE, his other name READ;
  N poor old Nottingham, beaten indeed. 
  O is the Oval, the home of the crowd;
  P the Pavilion, the seat of the proud. 
  Q is the Question, “Oh, Umpire, how’s that?”
  R is for Gentleman READ, who can bat. 
  S stands for SHARPE, it will pay you to mind him;
  T is the Trouble they were put to to find him;
  U their United attempts—­hard, to beat them;
  V the Vain efforts oft made to defeat them. 
  W represents WOOD at the wicket;
  X is the Xcellent style of their cricket. 
  Y ends the county, not played out in a hurry. 
  Z stands for Zero, a stranger to Surrey!

* * * * *

[Illustration]

A GENUINE REGRET.—­The French Admiral had one regret in leaving Albion’s hospitable shores, and that is that he didn’t go up to London and get a taste of a real City Savory at a Munching House banquet.  He wouldn’t have found The Albion “perfidious” in the matter of “turtle and fine living,”—­which was Mrs. R.’s description of the Pharisee.  Their French leave is up, and they’re on sail or return.