* * * * *

THE MANNERS OF OUR CHILDREN!

(FRAGMENT FROM A TRAGIC FARCE, SUGGESTED BY A CORRESPONDENCE IN A DAILY PAPER.)

    SCENE—­The Sanctum of Paterfamilias.  Enter to him JACKY,
    his eldest born.

Pater. (cordially).  How are you, old chap?

Jacky.  Very well, thank you, Father.  And will you forgive me—­is not “chap” a trifle slangy?

Pater. (astonished).  Eh! what?

Jacky.  You were good enough to write to my Form Master after the Easter Vacation, complaining of my style.  Consequently that worthy pedagogue has given more than usual attention to that part of my education.

[Illustration]

Pater.  Well, now you are home for the holidays!  As for your Form Master—­hang him and all his works!

Jacky.  Are you quite sure that you are quoting correctly?  To the best of my belief the line goes, “hang him with his pen and ink-horn.”

Pater.  Eh! what?  I don’t understand you.

Jacky.  Why, my dear Father, I naturally concluded that you were quoting; from the Immortal Bard.  You will find the passage in The Second Part of King Henry the Sixth, scene iv., line 2.

Pater.  What are you talking about?

Jacky.  Why your misquotation.  And will you forgive me—­but do you not think it would sound better if you were to ask me—­“about what I was talking”?  I might add that my Form Master and I—­

Pater.  Your “Form Master and you.”  Rot and bosh!  I should say—­

Jacky (with a twitch of pain).  Oh, my dear Father, more slang, more slang!

Pater. (getting very red).  And what if there is?  What’s that to you?  You don’t pay for my education, do you?

Jacky (quickly).  No.  If I did, I could not declare that I was satisfied with your progress!

Pater. (indignantly).  You little prig, I—­

Jacky (calmly interrupting).  Pray do not excite yourself.  I am only doing my duty.  I am merely attempting to instruct those less polished than myself.  Surely I may regard such an action with satisfaction?

Pater. (furious).  You shall go back to school at once!

Jacky.  I am afraid that that is scarcely practicable.  If you will refer to the slip that accompanied my school-bill, you will notice that the Vacation does not cease until the 20th of September.

Pater.  And a nice school-bill!  Why they charged everything as an extra!

Jacky.  Surely such a matter is scarcely within my province?  According to statute, my dear Father, you are bound to provide for me until (if my memory does not betray me) I reach the age of sixteen.  As I am now five years younger than that limit, it is clearly your duty to support me.