name;
  The Working-Man wants his Eight Hours, or, by Jingo,
  He’ll give me—­at polling—­particular stingo. 
  The Socialist wants me to do with the Land
  A—­well, a dashed something I can’t understand;
  The Financial Reformer, ’tis little he “axes,”
  He only requires me to take off all taxes! 
  And now, with the General Election in view,
  I’m dashed if a poor M.P. knows what to do. 
  How to live on the rack is a regular poser. 
  By Jove, I’m half tempted to turn a—­Primroser! 
  The soft “Primrose Path” may conduct to the fire,
  But ’tis easy at least, and of Screwing I tire!

* * * * *

TOO FREE TO BE EASY.

    SCENE—­Exterior of a Board School.  Enter R. and L.
    well-meaning Philanthropist and long-headed Artisan.  They
    greet one another with differing degrees of cordiality.

Philanthropist (heartily).  Ah, my good friend, and how are you taking advantage of this great boon—­the enormous privilege of free education?

Artisan (doggedly).  By not sending my lad to school.

Phil. (with pained astonishment).  You surprise me.

Art. I don’t see why I should.  I’m only following SAWNIE’s lead.  It’s what they did in Scotland.  They gave them free education, and that’s the way to read it, and a good way too!

Phil. Well, at least you ought to be grateful.

Art. Grateful!  Grateful for what?

Phil. Why, for free education—­for education, you know, that costs you nought.

Art. Oh, it costs nought, does it?  Then thank you for nothing!

    [Exeunt—­in very different directions!

* * * * *

MUSIC FOR THE PARLIAMENTARY MILLION.

MR. FARMER-ATKINSON, M.P., has announced that during the Recess he will deliver political addresses interspersed with songs and music.  To assist him we have prepared a specimen “utterance,” which, for the sake of convenience, we have thrown into a dramatic form.

Enter Mr. FARMER-ATKINSON, M.P., with an assortment of musical instruments which he places on a table in front of him.  Immense applause, during which the Hon. Gentleman picks up a Cornet and plays a solo.  Enthusiasm.

Mr. Farmer-Atkinson (bowing after recovering from his exertions).  Ladies and Gentlemen. (Hear, hear!) Thank you, Ladies and Gentlemen, for your cordial reception. (Applause.) And you must know, Ladies and Gentlemen, that although I have given you a solo on the cornet, I did not visit this flourishing town (cheers), this highly civilised town (renewed applause), this model town (hearty cheering), with the intention of blowing my own trumpet. (He pauses—­silence.)