They can tell jolly good staggerers they can!  Why one on ’em said as how we was a getting so scrowged up in the old Country, that they thort of giving us jest a little slice of theirs, and as theirs was about thirty times as big as ours, they could easily spare it.

But this I must and will say, they are perfect Gennelmen, and, as the best possibel proof of it, they is allers werry libbral to me.

ROBERT.

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

[Illustration:  Sensational.]

Interesting romance is MARION CRAWFORD’s Witch of Prague:  the witch novel might easily have been told in one volume instead of three.  Skipping is good exercise.

The casual reader, and the travelling reader or journey-alist, won’t get much better entertainment for his money than he will find in Stories of Old and New Spain, by THOMAS A. JANVIER.  No April foolin’ around on the part of JANVIER with metaphysical digressions, but all straight to the point.  For sensation, try Saint Mary of the Angels.  Adelphi melodrama isn’t in it with this story.  Also in San Antonio there is a simple, quiet humour; and The Legend of Padre Jose is singularly touching.  Altogether a book this of infinite variety. (Signed) BARON DE BOOK-WORMS.

* * * * *

“HOW’S THAT FOR HY"-GIENIC?—­In spite of the London Season being over, the Hygienic Congress had what ’ARRY would call a “’igh old time” of it in London last week.  In anticipation of their next merry meeting, a distinguished member of the Association is already busily engaged in preparing a paper on “The Real and Apparent Connection between ‘Hygiene’ and ‘High Jinks.’”

* * * * *

UNDER THE SCREW.

(BY A LIBERAL M.P.)

[Illustration]

  Oh, where shall I go, and what shall I do? 
  Turn which way I will, I am under the screw. 
  Every Voter must feel a tight clutch on the throat
  Of my conscience—­poor thing!—­ere he’ll promise his vote. 
  PAT late was my patron,—­’twas only his fun! 
  Now he’s “three single gentlemen” not rolled in one. 
  There’s PARNELL, MACARTHY, and SAUNDERSON!  Phew! 
  If I partly please one, I make foemen of two. 
  Hang Ireland!  And Scotland is getting as bad. 
  The S.H.R.A. will insist on their fad;
  And their plan, too, is “pressure!” It’s just nought but “squeeze.” 
  And the poor M.P.’s life is one long “Little-Ease.” 
  TAFFY too takes his turn at the merciless rack,
  And there isn’t a faddist, fanatic, or quack
  But has his own Screw, which he wants to apply. 
  The Temperance Man “Direct Veto” would try,
  And if I’m not found to accept it with glee,
  He’s vicious, and puts direct veto on me. 
  Ungenerous hot Anti-Jennerites claim
  My vote against vaccine, or howl at my