Shilling Hand-Book to Home Made Fireworks, with Permanent Order signed by War Minister for supply of necessary materials.

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HYJINKS AND HYGIENE.

  Hygiene and Demography!  Never before
    With such wonderful names has a Conference met,
  With statistics by thousands and papers galore
    As to what Demos wants, as to what he’s to get. 
  It’s not always perfectly clear what they mean. 
    Yet, perhaps an outsider is right when he thinks
  Though no doubt they would die for beloved Hygiene,
    As a matter of fact they indulge in High Jinks.

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NEW WORK BY SIR AUGUSTUS DRURIOLANUS—­to be included in the “Opera Omnia,” by the same Author writing under a nom de plume, entitled, “Legs Taglionis; or, Little Steps for Babes in the Ballet.  By a Pa’ de Quatre.”  Also “Classes and Lasses,” same series.

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[Illustration:  A PIOUS FRAUD!

“HULLO, MONTY, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT IN YOUR BUTTON-HOLE?  YOU DON’T MEAN
TO SAY YOU’VE JOINED THE BLUE RIBBON ARMY?”—­“YES; FOR THIS NIGHT
ONLY.  GOING TO DINE WITH JAKES.  DON’T WANT TO HURT POOR OLD JAKES’S
FEELINGS—­DON’T WANT TO BE POISONED BY HIS BEASTLY WINE.  SEE?”]

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NEPTUNE’S “AT HOME;” OR, NEIGHBOURS UNITED.

The French are all coming, for so they declare,
Of their fleet and their tars all the papers advise us;
They’re to come o’er the sea and to Portsmouth repair,
Their squadrons at Spithead will please, not surprise us. 
Their fleet is to come for a right friendly spree;
To promise them “skylarks” is hardly presumption. 
They’re welcome to NEPTUNE’s old “Halls by the Sea.” 
Of powder and grog there’ll be mighty consumption,
In toasts and salutes, for they’re friends and invited;
JOHN and JOHNNY clasp paws,
And drink deep to the Cause
Of NEPTUNE’s two guests and brave Neighbours United!

The scribes and the specials report wondrous things,
Of the grand preparations, the routs and the rackets. 
Gone the old days of huge wooden walls and white wings,
We now meet without mutual dusting of jackets. 
Well so much the better!  Our seas let them try,
Their squadrons are welcome to float ’em and swim ’em. 
Like good Cap’n Cuttle we’ll smile and “stand by,”
Friendly bumpers we’ll empty as fast as they brim ’em
To welcome his guests Father NEPTUNE’s delighted,
He’ll clasp both their paws,
And drink deep to the Cause
Of Sailors as shipmates and Neighbours United!