Ah!  Spur, whip, and bridle are all very well,
    For a rider’s equipment includes some “Coercion,”
  But Jehu may need an additional spell,
    Whether riding a race or for simple diversion. 
  There are reasons for giving a racer his head,
  And some flocks are driven and others are led.

  Improved?  Whillaloo!  Fancy Healy the hot
    Politely approving of “Balfour the Brutal”! 
  How pleasant to picture the Pig at full trot,
    Without that “hard riding” some fancy must suit all! 
  Too good to be true?  That time only can show. 
  ’Tis something that Piggy should promise to “go.”

  Your Pig is a “gintleman,”—­take him aright;
    Or so those maintain who best know the ’cute creature. 
  If you make him “eat stick” in excess he’ll show fight. 
    The goad and the snout-ring we’ve tried.  This new feature—­
  A lure in advance—­may be worth being tried. 
  That Piggy can go—­and this rider can ride!

* * * * *

Enthusiasm À La Russe!

    Scene—­A Bureau de Police at St. Petersburg.  Present,
    Russian Bigwig and Subordinate.

Russian Bigwig (reading letter).  “And they are to be received with the greatest possible enthusiasm!” I can scarcely believe my eyes!  The Fleet of the French Republic!

Subordinate (using a Muscovite imprecation). Caviare droski!

Rus.  Big. (severely).  Slave! (Sub. cringes.) Another word, and I will have you knouted to death!  It is the wish of our Little Father, the Czar of the Universe.

    [They both fall on their knees, remove their hats, and sing
    the National Hymn.

Sub. (bowing to the ground).  And what are the Imperial wishes?

Rus.  Big. That not only shall the “Marseillaise” be tolerated when played by the French, but also be performed by our own bands. (With a burst of rage.) Oh, Caviare droski!

Sub. (on his knees).  I would also add an oath, O Supreme Protector-of-the-Spirit-of-my-dead-Grandmother, had you not forbidden that extreme expression of opinion.

Rus.  Big. You recall me to myself.  O Son-of-PETER-son-of-PETER-son-of-PETER-son-of-TOMMY.  I was wrong.  But it makes my blood boil to think that our Master and his ancestors who scorned LOUIS PHILIPPE and NAPOLEON III. should recognise a Republic!

Sub. (aside).  Say you so—­this to the CZAR—­thou Nihilist! (Aloud.) My Lord-the-comforter-of-the-spirit-of-my-first-cousin-once-
removed-on-my-mother’s-side, is indeed right!  It is a painful sight!

Rus.  Big. (aside).  Say you so—­this to the CZAR—­thou Nihilist! (Aloud.) But perhaps we might improve matters.  Supposing that the “Marseillaise” were imperfectly performed?