As I wait here on board the night-packet, for the South-Eastern train to come down with the mail, Dover appears to me to be illuminated for some intensely aggravating festivity in my personal dishonour.  All its noises smack of taunting praises of the land, and dispraises of the gloomy sea, and of me for going on it.  The drums upon the heights have gone to bed, or I know they would rattle taunts against me for having my unsteady footing on this slippery deck.  The many gas-eyes of the Marine Parade twinkle in an offensive manner, as if with derision.  The distant dogs of Dover bark at me in my misshapen wrappers, as if I were Richard the Third.

A screech, a bell, and two red eyes come gliding down the Admiralty Pier with a smoothness of motion rendered more smooth by the heaving of the boat.  The sea makes noises against the pier, as if several hippopotami were lapping at it, and were prevented by circumstances over which they have no control from drinking peaceably.  We, the boat, become violently agitated—­rumble, hum, scream, roar—­and establish an immense family washing-day at each paddle-box.  Bright patches break out in the train as the doors of the post-office vans are opened, and instantly stooping figures with sacks upon their backs begin to be beheld among the piles, descending as it would seem in ghostly procession to Davy Jones’s Locker.  The passengers come on board; a few shadowy Frenchmen, with hatboxes shaped like the stoppers of gigantic case-bottles; a few shadowy Germans in immense fur coats and boots; a few shadowy Englishmen prepared for the worst and pretending not to expect it.  I cannot disguise from my uncommercial mind the miserable fact that we are a body of outcasts; that the attendants on us are as scant in number as may serve to get rid of us with the least possible delay; that there are no night-loungers interested in us; that the unwilling lamps shiver and shudder at us; that the sole object is to commit us to the deep and abandon us.  Lo, the two red eyes glaring in increasing distance, and then the very train itself has gone to bed before we are off!  What is the moral support derived by some sea-going amateurs from an umbrella?  Why do certain voyagers across the Channel always put up that article, and hold it up with a grim and fierce tenacity?  A fellow-creature near me—­whom I only know to be a fellow-creature because of his umbrella:  without which he might be a dark bit of cliff, pier, or bulkhead—­clutches that instrument with a desperate grasp that will not relax until he lands at Calais.  Is there an analogy, in certain constitutions, between keeping an umbrella up and keeping the spirits up?  A hawser thrown on board with a flop replies, “Stand by!” “Stand by, below!” “Half a turn ahead!” “Half a turn ahead!” “Half speed!” “Half speed!” “Port!” “Port!” “Steady!” “Steady!” “Go on!” “Go on!”