[Sidenote:  Dean Hole]

My dear Lord Bishop,—­I have a strong suspicion that the inundation of the Nave at Rochester was a knavish conspiracy of the Tee-totallers to submerge the Cathedral during the absence of the Dean.  The vergers have had Water-on-the-Brain, but Messrs. Bishop and Sons from London have assured Mr. Luard Selby that there is no organic disease.

I have regarded it as my duty, in anticipation of your lordship’s visit to North Wales on Wednesday next, to see that all due preparations are made to receive you.  I have been to ——­, and found that the new chancel is making satisfactory progress.  The new altar frontal is beautiful, the tea and bread and butter at the Rectory are excellent, the roses in the garden are making extra efforts, the school-mistress is in good health, the mountains are drawn up in saluting order, the mines are smoking peacefully, there will be cold lamb at the luncheon, weather permitting, and all frivolous persons will be banished to England, including yours ever.

THE ANSWER OF LADY CLARA VERE DE VERE
[Sidenote:  Henry S. Leigh]

  The Lady Clara V. de V.
    Presents her very best regards
  To that misguided Alfred T. 
    (With one of her enamell’d cards). 
  Though uninclin’d to give offence,
    The Lady Clara begs to hint
  That Master Alfred’s common sense
    Deserts him utterly in print.

  The Lady Clara can but say,
    That always from the very first
  She snubb’d in her decisive way
    The hopes that silly Alfred nurs’d. 
  The fondest words that ever fell
    From Lady Clara, when they met,
  Were, “How d’ye do?  I hope you’re well!”
    Or else, “The weather’s very wet.”

  Her Ladyship needs no advice
    How time and money should be spent,
  And can’t pursue at any price
    The plan that Alfred T. has sent. 
  She does not in the least object
    To let the “foolish yeoman” go,
  But wishes—­let him recollect—­
    That he should move to Jericho.

THE WOODCRAFT OF JONSON
[Sidenote:  Ben Johnson]

Nothing is a courtesy unless it be meant us; and that friendly and lovingly.  We owe no thanks to rivers, that they carry our boats; or winds, that they be favouring and fill our sails; or meats, that they be nourishing; for these are what they are necessarily.  Horses carry us, trees shade us, but they know it not.  It is true, some men may receive a courtesy and not know it; but never any man received it from him that knew it not.  Many men have been cured of diseases by accident; but they were not remedies.  I myself have known one helped of an ague by falling into a water; another whipped out of a fever; but no man would ever use these for medicines.  It is the mind, and not the event, that distinguisheth the courtesy from wrong.  My adversary may offend the judge with his pride and impertinences, and I win my cause; but he meant it not to me as a courtesy.  I ’scaped pirates by being ship-wracked; was the wrack a benefit therefore?  No; the doing of courtesies aright is the mixing of the respects for his own sake and for mine.  He that doeth them merely for his own sake is like one that feeds his cattle to sell them; he hath his horse well dressed for Smithfield.