“But I have fostered, guided, planned
  Commercial enterprise; in me
  Some ten or twelve directors, and
  Six worthy chairmen you may see.”

All the pieces are not so good as those cited—­that would be too much to expect—­but “get it,” say

BARON DE BOOK-WORMS & Co.

* * * * *

MORTUARY.

  ANDREW LANGUAGE—­no, LANG!—­who the classics is pat in,
    Suggests to our writers, as test of their “style,”
  Just to turn their equivocal prose into Latin,
    As DRYDEN did.  Truly the plan makes one smile! 
  Reviewers find Novelists’ nonsense much weary ’em. 
      Writers of twaddle
      Take DRYDEN a model—­
  Turn your books into some great “dead language”—­and bury ’em!

* * * * *

WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN TOLD DOWN EAST;

OR, A MAUVAIS JEW D’ESPRIT.

Will you, if you please, point out to me the way to the streets which,
I am told, are paved with gold?

Where shall I find the employer of labour who, I have been told, will instantly get me occupation at a wage of 60 roubles the week?

Dear me! in this, then, your “White Chapel”?  I was told it was a luxurious quarter, famous for its Palaces.

Surely this horrid den is not one of your model work-rooms?  I was told that such things existed only in Russia!

And are these people who are scowling at and cursing me your typical working population?  Why, I was told that I should find them dear brothers, waiting to welcome us with open arms.

And is this pittance you offer me all that you pay for making a coat?  I was told that it was quite twelve times as much as this.

Ah!  I’m afraid I have been told, and have given credit to, a great many things to which I never should have listened at all.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  FELINE AMENITIES.

Lady Godiva de Rougepott.  “I DON’T THINK ANY PAINTING LOOKS WELL IN THIS HORRID ELECTRIC LIGHT!”

Hostess (nettled).  “DON’T YOU, DEAR?  PERHAPS YOU WOULD PREFER TO REMAIN IN THE DRAWING-ROOM, WHERE THE LAMPS AND SHADES ARE!”]

* * * * *

THE FRUIT OF THE SESSION.

“To the bi-monthly exhibition of the Royal Horticultural Society the Marquis of SALISBURY sent a magnificent collection—­of strawberries especially.  Mr. W.H.  SMITH showed specimens of the same luscious fruit, for which he received the thanks of the Society.”—­Daily Telegraph.

Head-Gardener SM-TH soliloquiseth:—­

OHO! my beauty!  If you don’t get a fust prize, and “receive the thanks of the Society” I’m a cowcumber!  “The Fruits of Early Industry and Economy.”  Title of a picture by that splendid sample of the industrious and the economical, GEORGE MORLAND, I believe.  Yes, that’s it.  My Industry and G-SCH-N’s Economy.