was a fat fleshy man, in a silk cassock; he rustled
like a lady, and he smelt of tobacco too. I went
to fast and confess in the monastery, and my heart
was not at ease even there; I kept fancying the monks
were not living according to their rules. And
after that I could not find a service to my mind:
in one place they read the service too fast, in another
they sang the wrong prayer, in a third the sacristan
stammered. Sometimes, the Lord forgive me a sinner,
I would stand in church and my heart would throb with
anger. How could one pray, feeling like that?
And I fancied that the people in the church did not
cross themselves properly, did not listen properly;
wherever I looked it seemed to me that they were all
drunkards, that they broke the fast, smoked, lived
loose lives and played cards. I was the only
one who lived according to the commandments. The
wily spirit did not slumber; it got worse as it went
on. I gave up singing in the choir and I did
not go to church at all; since my notion was that
I was a righteous man and that the church did not suit
me owing to its imperfections—that is,
indeed, like a fallen angel, I was puffed up in my
pride beyond all belief. After this I began attempting
to make a church for myself. I hired from a deaf
woman a tiny little room, a long way out of town near
the cemetery, and made a prayer-room like my cousin’s,
only I had big church candlesticks, too, and a real
censer. In this prayer-room of mine I kept the
rules of holy Mount Athos—that is, every
day my matins began at midnight without fail, and
on the eve of the chief of the twelve great holy days
my midnight service lasted ten hours and sometimes
even twelve. Monks are allowed by rule to sit
during the singing of the Psalter and the reading
of the Bible, but I wanted to be better than the monks,
and so I used to stand all through. I used to
read and sing slowly, with tears and sighing, lifting
up my hands, and I used to go straight from prayer
to work without sleeping; and, indeed, I was always
praying at my work, too. Well, it got all over
the town ‘Matvey is a saint; Matvey heals the
sick and senseless.’ I never had healed
anyone, of course, but we all know wherever any heresy
or false doctrine springs up there’s no keeping
the female sex away. They are just like flies
on the honey. Old maids and females of all sorts
came trailing to me, bowing down to my feet, kissing
my hands and crying out I was a saint and all the
rest of it, and one even saw a halo round my head.
It was too crowded in the prayer-room. I took
a bigger room, and then we had a regular tower of Babel.
The devil got hold of me completely and screened the
light from my eyes with his unclean hoofs. We
all behaved as though we were frantic. I read,
while the old maids and other females sang, and then
after standing on their legs for twenty-four hours
or longer without eating or drinking, suddenly a trembling
would come over them as though they were in a fever;
after that, one would begin screaming and then another—it