She had on a black hat trimmed with crape, as though she were in mourning, and a short, shabby coat, the pockets of which stuck out.  Her nose looked longer than it used to be, and her face looked bloodless in spite of the cold.  Laptev liked walking with her, doing what she told him, and listening to her grumbling.  He walked along thinking about her, what inward strength there must be in this woman, since, though she was so ugly, so angular, so restless, though she did not know how to dress, and always had untidy hair, and was always somehow out of harmony, she was yet so fascinating.

They went into Yartsev’s flat by the back way through the kitchen, where they were met by the cook, a clean little old woman with grey curls; she was overcome with embarrassment, and with a honeyed smile which made her little face look like a pie, said: 

“Please walk in.”

Yartsev was not at home.  Polina sat down to the piano, and beginning upon a tedious, difficult exercise, told Laptev not to hinder her.  And without distracting her attention by conversation, he sat on one side and began turning over the pages of a “The Messenger of Europe.”  After practising for two hours—­it was the task she set herself every day—­she ate something in the kitchen and went out to her lessons.  Laptev read the continuation of a story, then sat for a long time without reading and without being bored, glad to think that he was too late for dinner at home.

“Ha, ha, ha!” came Yartsev’s laugh, and he walked in with ruddy cheeks, looking strong and healthy, wearing a new coat with bright buttons.  “Ha, ha, ha!”

The friends dined together.  Then Laptev lay on the sofa while Yartsev sat near and lighted a cigar.  It got dark.

“I must be getting old,” said Laptev.  “Ever since my sister Nina died, I’ve taken to constantly thinking of death.”

They began talking of death, of the immortality of the soul, of how nice it would be to rise again and fly off somewhere to Mars, to be always idle and happy, and, above all, to think in a new special way, not as on earth.

“One doesn’t want to die,” said Yartsev softly.  “No sort of philosophy can reconcile me to death, and I look on it simply as annihilation.  One wants to live.”

“You love life, Gavrilitch?”

“Yes, I love it.”

“Do you know, I can never understand myself about that.  I’m always in a gloomy mood or else indifferent.  I’m timid, without self-confidence; I have a cowardly conscience; I never can adapt myself to life, or become its master.  Some people talk nonsense or cheat, and even so enjoy life, while I consciously do good, and feel nothing but uneasiness or complete indifference.  I explain all that, Gavrilitch, by my being a slave, the grandson of a serf.  Before we plebeians fight our way into the true path, many of our sort will perish on the way.”