Marfa went up to one of the benches and cautiously lifted a piece of greasy newspaper.  Under the paper on an immense dish there reposed a huge sturgeon, masked in jelly and decorated with capers, olives, and carrots.  Ahineev gazed at the sturgeon and gasped.  His face beamed, he turned his eyes up.  He bent down and with his lips emitted the sound of an ungreased wheel.  After standing a moment he snapped his fingers with delight and once more smacked his lips.

“Ah-ah! the sound of a passionate kiss. . . .  Who is it you’re kissing out there, little Marfa?” came a voice from the next room, and in the doorway there appeared the cropped head of the assistant usher, Vankin.  “Who is it?  A-a-h! . . .  Delighted to meet you!  Sergei Kapitonich!  You’re a fine grandfather, I must say! Tete-a-tete with the fair sex—­tette!”

“I’m not kissing,” said Ahineev in confusion.  “Who told you so, you fool?  I was only . . .  I smacked my lips . . . in reference to . . . as an indication of . . . pleasure . . . at the sight of the fish.”

“Tell that to the marines!” The intrusive face vanished, wearing a broad grin.

Ahineev flushed.

“Hang it!” he thought, “the beast will go now and talk scandal.  He’ll disgrace me to all the town, the brute.”

Ahineev went timidly into the drawing-room and looked stealthily round for Vankin.  Vankin was standing by the piano, and, bending down with a jaunty air, was whispering something to the inspector’s sister-in-law, who was laughing.

“Talking about me!” thought Ahineev.  “About me, blast him!  And she believes it . . . believes it!  She laughs!  Mercy on us!  No, I can’t let it pass . . .  I can’t.  I must do something to prevent his being believed. . . .  I’ll speak to them all, and he’ll be shown up for a fool and a gossip.”

Ahineev scratched his head, and still overcome with embarrassment, went up to Pasdequoi.

“I’ve just been in the kitchen to see after the supper,” he said to the Frenchman.  “I know you are fond of fish, and I’ve a sturgeon, my dear fellow, beyond everything!  A yard and a half long!  Ha, ha, ha!  And, by the way . . .  I was just forgetting. . . .  In the kitchen just now, with that sturgeon . . . quite a little story!  I went into the kitchen just now and wanted to look at the supper dishes.  I looked at the sturgeon and I smacked my lips with relish . . . at the piquancy of it.  And at the very moment that fool Vankin came in and said:  . . .  ‘Ha, ha, ha! . . .  So you’re kissing here!’ Kissing Marfa, the cook!  What a thing to imagine, silly fool!  The woman is a perfect fright, like all the beasts put together, and he talks about kissing!  Queer fish!”

“Who’s a queer fish?” asked Tarantulov, coming up.

“Why he, over there—­Vankin!  I went into the kitchen . . .”

And he told the story of Vankin. “. . .  He amused me, queer fish!  I’d rather kiss a dog than Marfa, if you ask me,” added Ahineev.  He looked round and saw behind him Mzda.