“If the state of this child affected me, what were my feelings at a discovery I made respecting Peggy—?"*

     * The manuscript is imperfect here.  An episode seems to
     have been intended, which was never committed to paper. 
     Editor. [Godwin’s note]

CHAPTER 10

“My father’s situation was now so distressing, that I prevailed on my uncle to accompany me to visit him; and to lend me his assistance, to prevent the whole property of the family from becoming the prey of my brother’s rapacity; for, to extricate himself out of present difficulties, my father was totally regardless of futurity.  I took down with me some presents for my step-mother; it did not require an effort for me to treat her with civility, or to forget the past.

“This was the first time I had visited my native village, since my marriage.  But with what different emotions did I return from the busy world, with a heavy weight of experience benumbing my imagination, to scenes, that whispered recollections of joy and hope most eloquently to my heart!  The first scent of the wild flowers from the heath, thrilled through my veins, awakening every sense to pleasure.  The icy hand of despair seemed to be removed from my bosom; and—­forgetting my husband—­the nurtured visions of a romantic mind, bursting on me with all their original wildness and gay exuberance, were again hailed as sweet realities.  I forgot, with equal facility, that I ever felt sorrow, or knew care in the country; while a transient rainbow stole athwart the cloudy sky of despondency.  The picturesque form of several favourite trees, and the porches of rude cottages, with their smiling hedges, were recognized with the gladsome playfulness of childish vivacity.  I could have kissed the chickens that pecked on the common; and longed to pat the cows, and frolic with the dogs that sported on it.  I gazed with delight on the windmill, and thought it lucky that it should be in motion, at the moment I passed by; and entering the dear green lane, which led directly to the village, the sound of the well-known rookery gave that sentimental tinge to the varying sensations of my active soul, which only served to heighten the lustre of the luxuriant scenery.  But, spying, as I advanced, the spire, peeping over the withered tops of the aged elms that composed the rookery, my thoughts flew immediately to the churchyard, and tears of affection, such was the effect of my imagination, bedewed my mother’s grave!  Sorrow gave place to devotional feelings.  I wandered through the church in fancy, as I used sometimes to do on a Saturday evening.  I recollected with what fervour I addressed the God of my youth:  and once more with rapturous love looked above my sorrows to the Father of nature.  I pause—­feeling forcibly all the emotions I am describing; and (reminded, as I register my sorrows, of the sublime calm I have felt, when in some tremendous solitude, my soul rested on itself, and seemed to fill the universe) I insensibly breathe soft, hushing every wayward emotion, as if fearing to sully with a sigh, a contentment so extatic.