“I have now to mention a circumstance which fills me with remorse, and fear it will entirely deprive me of your esteem.  A tradesman became attached to me, and visited me frequently,—­and I at last obtained such a power over him, that he offered to take me home to his house.—­Consider, dear madam, I was famishing:  wonder not that I became a wolf!—­The only reason for not taking me home immediately, was the having a girl in the house, with child by him—­and this girl—­I advised him—­yes, I did! would I could forget it!—­to turn out of doors:  and one night he determined to follow my advice.  Poor wretch!  She fell upon her knees, reminded him that he had promised to marry her, that her parents were honest!—­What did it avail?—­She was turned out.

“She approached her father’s door, in the skirts of London,—­listened at the shutters,—­but could not knock.  A watchman had observed her go and return several times—­Poor wretch!—­[The remorse Jemima spoke of, seemed to be stinging her to the soul, as she proceeded.]

“She left it, and, approaching a tub where horses were watered, she sat down in it, and, with desperate resolution, remained in that attitude—­till resolution was no longer necessary!

“I happened that morning to be going out to wash, anticipating the moment when I should escape from such hard labour.  I passed by, just as some men, going to work, drew out the stiff, cold corpse—­Let me not recall the horrid moment!—­I recognized her pale visage; I listened to the tale told by the spectators, and my heart did not burst.  I thought of my own state, and wondered how I could be such a monster!—­I worked hard; and, returning home, I was attacked by a fever.  I suffered both in body and mind.  I determined not to live with the wretch.  But he did not try me; he left the neighbourhood.  I once more returned to the wash-tub.

“Still this state, miserable as it was, admitted of aggravation.  Lifting one day a heavy load, a tub fell against my shin, and gave me great pain.  I did not pay much attention to the hurt, till it became a serious wound; being obliged to work as usual, or starve.  But, finding myself at length unable to stand for any time, I thought of getting into an hospital.  Hospitals, it should seem (for they are comfortless abodes for the sick) were expressly endowed for the reception of the friendless; yet I, who had on that plea a right to assistance, wanted the recommendation of the rich and respectable, and was several weeks languishing for admittance; fees were demanded on entering; and, what was still more unreasonable, security for burying me, that expence not coming into the letter of the charity.  A guinea was the stipulated sum—­I could as soon have raised a million; and I was afraid to apply to the parish for an order, lest they should have passed me, I knew not whither.  The poor woman at whose house I lodged, compassionating my state, got me into the hospital; and the family where I received the hurt, sent me five shillings, three and six-pence of which I gave at my admittance—­I know not for what.