I’b odly a poor City clerk. 
    Quidide is bodstrous dear;
  By doctor treats it as a lark,
    Ad tries by bide to cheer. 
  But if by situashud goes,
    I’b ruid—­ad two score! 
  What cad avail the Doctor’s dose—­
    “The Bixture as Before”?

  It bay be Bicrobes, as they say,
    This Idfluedza pest;
  What batters?  I bust cough—­ad pay! 
    The Doctor orders “Rest”! 
  Bicrobes be blowed, ad Rest go hag! 
    I’ll stad this thig do bore! 
  BARY! was that the door-bell rag? 
    —­“The Bixture as Before”!

* * * * *

THE TRYST.

    “It is stated that the Pungwe route to Mashonaland has been
    again closed by the Portuguese Authorities.”—­Reuter, May
    24.

[Illustration:  Cecil Rhodes, “YOU CLEAR OUT!  SHE’S MY ‘MASH!’”]

  Now then, young Obstructive, still playing the sentry,
    Where nobody wants you to watch or mount guard? 
  Are you to rule everyone’s exit and entry? 
    Clear out, my young friend, or with you ’twill go hard. 
  Yon Portuguese Tappertit, turn it up, do! 
  D’ye think I’ll be stopped by a monkey like you?

  My Mash, that young woman!  Will you bar our meeting? 
    We’re sweethearts.  Will you interfere with our tryst? 
  You pert whippersnapper, my sable-skinned sweeting
    My masculine wooing’s too wise to resist. 
  Shall RHODES be cut out by a small Portuguese,
  With a gun and a swagger?  Pooh!  Fiddle-de-dee!

  We’ve put up too long with your pranks, my fine fellow,
    Because of your size, upon which you presume. 
  Oh, it’s no use to twirl your moustache and look yellow! 
    Mean having that gal, howsoever you fume. 
  You’d better behave yourself, boy, or no doubt
  Before very long we shall clean you right out.

  Look at home, keep your own ways a little bit clearer,
    And don’t go a-blocking up other folks’ roads. 
  Eh? You warn me off her? I mustn’t come nearer? 
    Ha, ha!  My good-nature your impudence goads. 
  Clear out, whilst you’re safe, you young shrimp!  Don’t be rash! 
  For I shan’t let you come between me and my Mash!

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE VICTORY ROAD-CAR.

TO PLY TO AND FROM THE NAVAL EXHIBITION.]

* * * * *

[Illustration]

A LAST WORD ON THE WHAT-YOU-MAY-CAL-DERON PICTURE.—­It isn’t often that one of “the inferior clergy,” represented by a Clarke in orders, is pitted against an “Abbott,” as recently happened in the discussion about Mr. CALDERON’s picture of “St. Elizabeth’s Heroic Act of Renunciation.”  In this instance the Clarke got the better of the Abbott, and the others, including Professor HUXLEY, who is always ready to