V.

  To knowledge in my halls you grew;
    But now you are—­dear son, done, Sir! 
  You’re only a mere Medical Stu-
  -dent at the sorely slighted U-
      -niversity of London, Sir.
      -niversity of London, Sir!

  VI.

  Off—­to Newcastle, boy!  Adieu! 
    By that big vote we’re undone, Sir. 
  Provincial Colleges have exclu-
  -sive rights denied to the poor U-
      -niversity of London, Sir?
      -niversity of London, Sir!

[During the last stanza, M.S. beats his breast with his stethoscope and goes off—­like coals—­to Newcastle, or like mustard—­to Durham—­to waste valuable time in getting in those colossal provincial centres what “Poor Little London” cannot grant him.

* * * * *

BREAKFAST TABLE-TALK.

(FROM EDISON’S PHRASE-BOOK.)

Good gracious! what was that horrible noise?  It sounded like the falling of a leg of mutton!

Oh! that was only the blow delivered by the Hackney Cockchafer on the eye of the Midland Wrap-Rascal.  It’s the best fight I’ve seen for a long time.

I wish, then, you would take it with you into another room.  I can scarcely catch a single word of the Rev. JABEZ FISHE’s delightful sermon, to which I am endeavouring to listen.

Heavens! why all the windows are broken!  And the mirrors are shattered!  And the chandelier has come down!

Well, my dear, I am very sorry, but I was much interested in the firing of this new 137-ton gun, and they have just let it off.  That’s all.

* * * * *

GEOGRAPHICAL.

“Low-lying” districts are much talked about just now as breeding-grounds for the pestiferous Influenza microbe.  The worst “low-lying” districts Punch knows are the editorial offices of certain scurrilous journals, and the social pestilences they engender and disseminate sorely need abatement.  Perhaps when they have duly fumigated the House, they will turn their attention to the Office.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  A JUDGE OF CHARACTER.

Sympathetic Friend (to Sweeper).  “WHAT’S THE USE O’ ARSTIN’ ’IM, BILL? ’E DON’T GIVE AWAY NOTHINK LESS THAN A GOVER’MENT APPOINTMENT, ’E DON’T!!”]

* * * * *

THE BITTER CRY OF OUTCAST COMPETITION.

“The breakfast at St. James’s Hall, which we reported yesterday, and which was held in order to allow those who partook of it to discuss the possibility of establishing in this country a ’non-competitive system of university examination,’ was, in some respects, a natural outcome of the revolt against competition which has of late years made itself felt in many different quarters.”—­The Times.

  I’m in a pretty pickle! 
  The world is wondrous fickle;
  But lately it would stickle
    For Progress by Exam. 
  And now, in Trade and Learning,
  Against me they seem turning,
  Deliberately discerning
    In me a noxious sham!