Gina and Hedwig.  What was the gentleman talking about, Father?

Hialmar (eating bread and butter).  He has been dining, you know.  No matter—­what we have to do now, is to put my disreputable old whitehaired pariah of a parent to bed.

    [He and GINA lift old ECCLES—­we mean old EKDAL—­up by the
    legs and arms, and take him off to led as the Curtain falls.

* * * * *

COCKNEY MOTTO FOR A FEEBLE CRICKETER.—­“Take ’Art of GRACE!”

* * * * *

[Illustration:  PROPOSED HERALDIC DEVICE FOR THE LONDON COUNTY COUNCIL. (See opposite page.)]

* * * * *

KEY TO THE PROPOSED HERALDIC DEVICE.

Arms.—­Quarterly:  1.  A female figure habited in white robes reaching to the ankles, with Arms elevated, all quite proper, for Grace. 2.  A wildman or ratepayer rampant, for Thrift. 3.  A bend (or bar) sinister on a chart vert, for Bloomsbury. 4.  Three demi-councillors, wings elevated, regardant an empty seat, for Vacancy.

Crest.—­On a beadle’s hat erased, a new broom.

Supporters.—­Dexter, a Paul Pry regardant, grasping an eyeglass sinister.  Sinister, a Stiggins.  Both gorged.

Motto.—­“Ubi nunc sumus?”

* * * * *

FAMILIARITY BREEDS RESPECT.

(A PAGE FROM THE DIARY OF A WOULD-BE BUT COULDN’T-BE DUELLIST.)

Monday.—­Arrived on the ground ready to fight my opponent to the death.  We had just measured the ground, when an agent of Police appeared upon the scene, and we had to decamp hurriedly.  Duel postponed till to-morrow.

Tuesday.—­New spot chosen.  Pistols this time instead of rapiers.  Just as we were about to fire, appearance of the agents of the law.  Postponement again absolutely necessary.

Wednesday.—­Once more ready to meet.  Both of us rather amused at the precautions we have to take to prevent interruption.  Opponent obligingly suggested a new and suitable spot for the settlement of our little differences.  Found it to be a most excellent selection, but before we could fight, once more interrupted.  Both of us greatly annoyed, and arranged to meet to-morrow.

Thursday.—­Amused to find myself first in the field—­my opponent five minutes late.  Both of us had come before the seconds, and so spent the time in a pleasant little chat, and cigarettes.  My opponent not half a bad fellow when you come to know him.  Just as he was in the middle of a most amusing story, our seconds arrived—­with the Police!  Postponement once more imperative.

Friday.—­Opponent turned up first, and, at my request, completed his yesterday’s story—­one of the best I have ever heard.  Most amusing chap—­should have liked to have heard another, when, finding ourselves uninterrupted, we thought we had better seize the opportunity to settle our affair of honour.  Our customary luck!  Seemingly had just time to kill one another, when enter the Police!  Programme as before.