ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

[Illustration:  Mr. McEwan.]

House of Commons, Monday, May 4.—­Windbag SEXTON had fine opportunity to-night; made the most of it.  SEYMOUR KEAY absent through greater part of sitting.  Various rumours current in explanation of the happy accident.  Influenza hinted at; but Grand Young GARDNER, who is familiar with both, says Grippe much too knowing to link itself with Member for Elgin and Nairn.  Towards Eleven o’Clock, rumour set at rest by appearance of KEAY.  Simple explanation of temporary absence is, that he has been at home, drawing up a few more Amendments.

In his absence.  Windbag had it all to himself.  How many speeches he has made through the dreary sitting am afraid to reckon up.  Members going off to write letters, smoke a cigar, read evening papers, or dine, leave him on his legs, with one hand in pocket, and smile of serene satisfaction on face, prosing on.  Coming back, they find him still in same position, apparently saying same thing.  Has lately developed new oratorical charm.  Constantly repeats his sentences, word for word.  Everybody cleared out, even Mr. G., and JOHN MORLEY.  Only Prince ARTHUR left languorous on Treasury Bench.

“Drooping like a lily out of water,” MCEWAN says.  Not that he’s given to tropes of the kind; but, being lately at a wedding feast smothered in flowers, some of them have got into his conversation.

Business done.—­In Committee on Irish Land Bill, but no forrader.

[Illustration:  W.H.  Smith in his new character as Warden of the Cinque Ports and Constable of Dover Castle.]

Tuesday.—­“Do you think I ought to wear spurs, TOBY?”

It was Old MORALITY who spoke.  We were in his room at House; just torn ourselves away from Committee on Irish Land Bill, where, at the moment, oddly enough SEXTON chanced to be speaking.  Old MORALITY has been made Lord Warden of the Cinque Ports, and is trying on his uniform.  Rather piratical arrangement; blue cloth coat with large brass buttons, red sash round his waist, with holster thrust in it, containing the horse-pistol with which PITT armed himself when he sat at the window of Walmer Castle, looking across the Channel, momentarily expecting to discover BONEY crossing in a flat-bottomed boat.  The trousers are of scarlet, with broad braid of gold lace on outer seams.  Finally there is a truculent cocked hat, which OLD MORALITY persists in putting on with the peak astarn.  The dress is picturesque, and OLD MORALITY’s figure lends itself to it with peculiar grace and fitness.

“I fancy WELLINGTON wore spurs,” the Lord Warden persisted.

Yes, I point out; but PITT didn’t, nor did PALMERSTON.  Anyhow just as well not to begin with spurs.  Might in time grow up to them, as it were.

Wanted the Lord Warden to enter House in his uniform:  sadly in need of sensation.  One would certainly be provided if Old MORALITY were discovered sitting on Treasury Bench in his present costume.