now, When I wuz to Congress, I wouldn’t, I swow, Hey let ’em cair on so high-minded an’ sarsy, ‘thout some show o’ wut you may call vicy-varsy.  To be sure, we wuz under a contrac’ jes’ then To be dreffle forbearin’ towards Southun men; 80 We hed to go sheers in preservin’ the bellance; An’ ez they seemed to feel they wuz wastin’ their tellents ’thout some un to kick, ’twarn’t more ’n proper, you know, Each should furnish his part; an’ sence they found the toe, An’ we wuzn’t cherubs—­wal, we found the buffer, For fear thet the Compromise System should suffer.

I wun’t say the plan hedn’t onpleasant featurs,—­ For men are perverse an’ onreasonin’ creaturs, An’ forgit thet in this life ’tain’t likely to heppen Their own privit fancy should ollus be cappen,—­ 90 But it worked jest ez smooth ez the key of a safe, An’ the gret Union bearin’s played free from all chafe.  They warn’t hard to suit, ef they hed their own way, An’ we (thet is, some on us) made the thing pay:  ’twuz a fair give-an’-take out of Uncle Sam’s heap; Ef they took wut warn’t theirn, wut we give come ez cheap; The elect gut the offices down to tide-waiter, The people took skinnin’ ez mild ez a tater.  Seemed to choose who they wanted tu, footed the bills, An’ felt kind o’ ‘z though they wuz havin’ their wills, 100 Which kep’ ’em ez harmless an’ cherfle ez crickets, While all we invested wuz names on the tickets; Wal, ther’ ‘s nothin’, for folks fond o’ lib’ral consumption Free o’ charge, like democ’acy tempered with gumption!

Now warn’t thet a system wuth pains in presarvin’,
Where the people found jints an’ their frien’s done the carvin’,—­
Where the many done all o’ their thinkin’ by proxy,
An’ were proud on ’t ez long ez ’twuz christened Democ’cy,—­
Where the few let us sap all o’ Freedom’s foundations,
Ef you call it reformin’ with prudence an’ patience, 110
An’ were willin’ Jeff’s snake-egg should hetch with the rest,
Ef you writ ‘Constitootional’ over the nest? 
But it’s all out o’ kilter, (’twuz too good to last,)
An’ all jes’ by J.D.’s perceedin’ too fast;
Ef he’d on’y hung on for a month or two more,
We’d ha’ gut things fixed nicer ’n they hed ben before: 
Afore he drawed off an’ lef all in confusion,
We wuz safely entrenched in the ole Constitootion,
With an outlyin’, heavy-gun, case-mated fort
To rake all assailants,—­I mean th’ S.J.  Court. 120
Now I never’ll acknowledge (nut ef you should skin me)
’twuz wise to abandon sech works to the in’my,
An’ let him fin’ out thet wut scared him so long,
Our whole line of argyments, lookin’ so strong,
All our Scriptur an’ law, every the’ry an’ fac’,
Wuz Quaker-guns daubed with Pro-slavery black. 
Why, ef the Republicans ever should git
Andy Johnson or some one to lend ’em the wit
An’ the spunk jes’ to mount Constitootion an’ Court
With Columbiad guns, your real ekle-rights sort, 130
Or drill out the spike from the ole Declaration
Thet can kerry a solid shot clearn roun’ creation,
We’d better take maysures for shettin’ up shop,
An’ put off our stock by a vendoo or swop.