at the altar. . . . . . . . . . . . .50
“his proportion of cash paid for
conquered territory. . . . . . . . 1.75
“do. do. for conquering do . . . . . 1.50 “manuring do. with new superior
compost called ‘American Citizen’. .50
“extending the area of freedom and
Protestantism. . . . . . . . . . . .01
“glory. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .01
_____
$9.87
Immediate payment is requested.

N.B.  Thankful for former favors, U.S. requests a continuance of patronage.  Orders executed with neatness and despatch.  Terms as low as those of any other contractor for the same kind and style of work.

I can fancy the official answering my look of horror with—­’Yes, Sir, it looks like a high charge.  Sir; but in these days slaughtering is slaughtering.’  Verily, I would that every one understood that it was; for it goes about obtaining money under the false pretence of being glory.  For me, I have an imagination which plays me uncomfortable tricks.  It happens to me sometimes to see a slaughterer on his way home from his day’s work, and forthwith my imagination puts a cocked-hat upon his head and epaulettes upon his shoulders, and sets him up as a candidate for the Presidency.  So, also, on a recent public occasion, as the place assigned to the ‘Reverend Clergy’ is just behind that of ‘Officers of the Army and Navy’ in processions, it was my fortune to be seated at the dinner-table over against one of these respectable persons.  He was arrayed as (out of his own profession) only kings, court-officers, and footmen are in Europe, and Indians in America.  Now what does my over-officious imagination but set to work upon him, strip him of his gay livery, and present him to me coatless, his trousers thrust into the tops of a pair of boots thick with clotted blood, and a basket on his arm out of which lolled a gore-smeared axe, thereby destroying my relish for the temporal mercies upon the board before me!  —­H.W.]

No.  IX

A THIRD LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.

[Upon the following letter slender comment will be needful.  In what river Selemnus has Mr. Sawin bathed, that he has become so swiftly oblivious of his former loves?  From an ardent and (as befits a soldier) confident wooer of that coy bride, the popular favor, we see him subside of a sudden into the (I trust not jilted) Cincinnatus, returning to his plough with a goodly sized branch of willow in his hand; figuratively returning, however, to a figurative plough, and from no profound affection for that honored implement of husbandry (for which, indeed, Mr. Sawin never displayed any decided predilection), but in order to be gracefully summoned therefrom to more congenial labors.  It should seem that the character of the ancient Dictator had become part of the recognized stock of our modern political comedy, though, as our term of office extends to a quadrennial length, the