’Work?  Am I not at work from morn till night
Sounding the deeps of oracles umbilical
  Which for man’s guidance never come to light,
With all their various aptitudes, until I call?’
  ’And I, do I not twirl from left to right
For conscience’ sake?  Is that no work?  Thou silly gull,
  He had thee in his eye; ’twas Gabriel
  Sent to reward my faith, I know him well.’

  ‘Twas Vishnu, thou vile whirligig!’ and so
The good old quarrel was begun anew; 210
  One would have sworn the sky was black as sloe,
Had but the other dared to call it blue;
  Nor were the followers who fed them slow
To treat each other with their curses, too,
  Each hating t’other (moves it tears or laughter?)
  Because he thought him sure of hell hereafter.

  At last some genius built a bridge of boats
Over the stream, and Ahmed’s zealots filed
  Across, upon a mission to (cut throats
And) spread religion pure and undefiled; 220
  They sowed the propagandist’s wildest oats,
Cutting off all, down to the smallest child,
  And came back, giving thanks for such fat mercies,
  To find their harvest gone past prayers or curses.

  All gone except their saint’s religious hops,
Which he kept up with more than common flourish;
  But these, however satisfying crops
For the inner man, were not enough to nourish
  The body politic, which quickly drops
Reserve in such sad junctures, and turns currish; 230
  So Ahmed soon got cursed for all the famine
  Where’er the popular voice could edge a damn in.

  At first he pledged a miracle quite boldly. 
And, for a day or two, they growled and waited;
  But, finding that this kind of manna coldly
Sat on their stomachs, they erelong berated
  The saint for still persisting in that old lie,
Till soon the whole machine of saintship grated,
  Ran slow, creaked, stopped, and, wishing him in Tophet,
  They gathered strength enough to stone the prophet. 240

  Some stronger ones contrived (by eatting leather,
Their weaker friends, and one thing or another)
  The winter months of scarcity to weather;
Among these was the late saint’s younger brother,
  Who, in the spring, collecting them together,
Persuaded them that Ahmed’s holy pother
  Had wrought in their behalf, and that the place
  Of Saint should be continued to his race.

  Accordingly, ’twas settled on the spot
That Allah favored that peculiar breed; 250
  Beside, as all were satisfied, ’twould not
Be quite respectable to have the need
  Of public spiritual food forgot;
And so the tribe, with proper forms, decreed
  That he, and, failing him, his next of kin,
  Forever for the people’s good should spin.

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