all an error.’ 
As for him, he’s—­no matter, he never grew tender,
Sitting after a ball, with his feet on the fender,
Shaping somebody’s sweet features out of cigar smoke
(Though he’d willingly grant you that such doings are smoke);
All women he damns with mutabile semper,
And if ever he felt something like love’s distemper,
’Twas tow’rds a young lady who spoke ancient Mexican,
And assisted her father in making a lexicon;
Though I recollect hearing him get quite ferocious 280
About Mary Clausum, the mistress of Grotius,
Or something of that sort,—­but, no more to bore ye
With character-painting, I’ll turn to my story.

Now, Apollo, who finds it convenient sometimes
To get his court clear of the makers of rhymes,
The genus, I think it is called, irritabile,
Every one of whom thinks himself treated most shabbily,
And nurses a—­what is it?—­immedicabile,
Which keeps him at boiling-point, hot for a quarrel,
As bitter as wormwood, and sourer than sorrel, 290
If any poor devil but look at a laurel;—­
Apollo, I say, being sick of their rioting
(Though he sometimes acknowledged their verse had a quieting
Effect after dinner, and seemed to suggest a
Retreat to the shrine of a tranquil siesta),
Kept our Hero at hand, who, by means of a bray,
Which he gave to the life, drove the rabble away;
And if that wouldn’t do, he was sure to succeed,
If he took his review out and offered to read;
Or, failing in plans of this milder description, 300
He would ask for their aid to get up a subscription,
Considering that authorship wasn’t a rich craft,
To print the ‘American drama of Witchcraft.’ 
’Stay, I’ll read you a scene,’—­but he hardly began,
Ere Apollo shrieked ‘Help!’ and the authors all ran: 
And once, when these purgatives acted with less spirit,
And the desperate case asked a remedy desperate,
He drew from his pocket a foolscap epistle
As calmly as if ’twere a nine-barrelled pistol,
And threatened them all with the judgment to come, 310
Of ‘A wandering Star’s first impressions of Rome.’ 
‘Stop! stop!’ with their hands o’er their ears, screamed the Muses,
’He may go off and murder himself, if he chooses,
’Twas a means self-defence only sanctioned his trying,
’Tis mere massacre now that the enemy’s flying;
If he’s forced to ’t again, and we happen to be there,
Give us each a large handkerchief soaked in strong ether.’

I called this a ‘Fable for Critics;’ you think it’s
More like a display of my rhythmical trinkets;
My plot, like an icicle’s slender and slippery, 320
Every moment more slender, and likely to slip awry,
And the reader unwilling in loco desipere
Is free to jump over as much of my frippery
As he fancies, and, if he’s a provident skipper, he
May have like Odysseus control of the gales,